An Ode To Poo

It was Billy the Bard who wrote a sonnet  “Shall I compare thee to a morning dump”

As always, our William knew a thing or two about a thing or two, and one of the

Poo is one of the most important things in the world. Our whole world is based on poo. We eat, poo and then the poo goes and makes more food. So you can say that we live in a perfectly harmonious symbiotic relationship with our poo (constipation notwithstanding).

Just think – days on when the poo is good, you feel better, lighter, happier, more productive.

There is literally nothing that is more enjoyable than when you are able to pass on some good poo.


There are various types of poo….and here is a latest scientific ranking of them based on their usefulness to humanity in general and the earth in particular.

1. Cow dung



Not only does it add valuable manure to the earth, it gives poor people a means to cook their food and also to be warm during the cold winter months.

2. Civet Poop

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The most expensive coffee in the world is made from, civet crap. Its called Kopi Luwak. They feed coffee beans to the civets and once they crap those out, they make it into coffee.

The traditional method of collecting feces from wild civets has given way to intensive farming methods in which civets in battery cage systems are force fed the coffee beans. This method of production has raised ethical concerns about the treatment of civets due to “horrific conditions” including isolation, poor diet, small cages and a high mortality rate

So please don’t have it and add your voice banning it.

3. Bullshit


Bullshit aka Communism is without doubt the most abundant substance found on earth, never mind hyrodgen or oxygen or nitrogen. It is also perhaps the most dangerous.

4. Horseshit

When mere bullshit is not enough horseshitcigarettesdn3

It is usually useful only to piss off the hoighty toighty la-di-dah crowd

5. Dogshit

Has no use and stinks a lot. Well there is one use – if you hate someone you can throw it at their house .

6. Fishcrap


Apart from providing a source of food for some other food and bacteria, it really does not have much use.

7. Dinosaur poo

Also known as Coprolite. Coprolites are classified as trace fossils as opposed to body fossils, as they give evidence for the animal’s behaviour (in this case, diet) rather than morphology. The name is derived from the Greek words κόπρος (kopros, meaning “dung”) and λίθος (lithos, meaning “stone”).


It was possibly of some use at some ancient time in history but nowadays it only there for research purposes. has no intrinsic value.

Also known as Liverpool Football Club.


And finally, we come to


8. Human Feces

The most useless stuff found in the galaxy, a complete waste of oxygen and water and space and time.

These guys

The BCCI’s Test Team



I challenge you to find a more useless incompetent nincompoop shower of shit anywhere on in the universe.

And no my friends, this is not the nadir.

The worst is yet to come.

At least Ajinkya Rahane, Murali Vijay and Bhuvaneshwar Kumar have shown some gumption for a fight, some testicular fortitude to hang in there and survive and fight for the country.

But when the answer to your pace attack problem is Varun Aaron, a man to which line and length and mythical concepts and the answer to your batting problems is Rohit Sharma, without a doubt the worst batsman to have ever donned the test whites (there are plenty of Indian batsmen who have flopped in the international arena, they just didn’t have the technique or the talent – Rohit Sharma has both but is still somehow more useless than all of them because of his mentality)

The Indian batsmen can’t play pace, spin, bounce or swing – so just what exactly can they do?

Our spinners can’t spin and our pacers are built of matchsticks and have 0 control over line length or swing.

What a fantastic place to be in.

And what’s worse?

For the next few years the captain of this bunch of imbeciles will be the media darling current vice captain – perhaps the biggest dunderheaded nitwit to have ever graced the cricket field. An ill mannered potty mouth whose ego and sense of self importance is 58765492 times bigger than actual ability to play a test match.


Look, credit where its due. Most of this bunch are exceptionally good one day and T20 players, perhaps the best in the world at the moment. They are going to lose some but will probably win more. Long gone are the days of the 1996 semi final, perhaps banished forever.


But all that in the shorter form of the game.

They have a grand total of diddly squat and fuck all idea or ability to play the 5 day version.

So stop wasting out time, money and energy and just stop already.


3 thoughts on “An Ode To Poo

  1. Just as we have a bowling coach, a fielding coach, a batting coach etc., so should we have separate ODI team, T20 team and Test team…… bahuton ko mauka milega to pad up and play…o/wise the T20 stars will not give a s**t about playing in Tests or ODIs…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Agree! Whole heartedly!
    Worst part is it will never change…sorry can never change.
    Reason: Slowly but surely we are moving towards a world in which every country is a giant at home and a zero abroad. England probably have fared better than others in the last decade; but somehow, their board and media are perpetually dissatisfied with them. And even SA would struggle without “Red Bull” Smith at the helm.


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