Well the end of days is here…..in more ways than one.
This might very well be the end of days for your favorite fat uncle…..no not him, not that guy either, I am talking of yours truly…
Some of you (a handful admittedly) say What? Noooo etc; Most others say Hallelujah, Finally and Good Riddance etc….
But no matter which camp you belong to, you are curious as to the reason for the demise…..
You all know that am a gargantuan football fan, but do you know of my history with football results?
Let’s elucidate shall we……
As you know I support Germany (national as well as club teams) and Chelsea in football…..and when you support them, plus India in cricket, you get used to disappointments and heartbreaks……but there are times, oh so rare times, when it all becomes worthhile…and whenever that happens, I become happy, joyous, ecstatic and as you all know there is a law that whenever I get happy, disaster has to strike….
1990 was the first time I became ecstatic…Germany won the World Cup, defeating the forces of cocaine….and within a few weeks the 8 year old me got lost in the Kolkata metro…….how I managed to rescue my 8 year old wee chubby self is a matter of another post….
Then, it was 1996, and this time Germany won the Euros…..and I got my shoulder dislocated….
Next up, Chelsea won the European Cup Winners Cup in 1998.
And doctors found a tumour and some other problems in my penis and thus they cut off half of it….
Now we come to 2001. Bayern Munich, the German champions, captained by the greatest goalkeeper the world has ever seen – Oliver Kahn – won the Champions League…..and….and….
I cut my leg on a piece of glass thereby requiring 13 stitches….
I flunked mathematics, and barely passed the other subjects in my Higher Secondary exams, thereby breaking the hearts of all the highly educationally accomplished family members……
2006 was the next time I became ecstatic…that was the first time Chelsea won a double…..
As a result, I was kicked out by my university – Ciefl….
Mithila went away
And finally, we come to the 2011-12 season, the greatest season of them all…the season in which Chelsea became Champions League Winner…..
And as you can probably imagine and guess….
I became paralysed
Germany won the World Cup
First, my mother fainted on the road and hurt her head and thus had to be in hospital
Second, an educational game that I had been writing for more than a year was discarded like a tissue paper
Third, I fell sick and had to be in hospital
Fourth, modern day vampires in the guise of pathological lab assistants came and cut me open and took a few hundred gallons of my blood
Fifth, my liver got inspired by Khujliwal and went on a dharna and decided to stop working, thereby joining my heart in a tag team of organs that malfunction.
Sixth, the boss went on a rampage abusing me left right and centre so I had to shout back….and one thing led to another….and the basic result is that now I have to search for a job
Seventh, my lifelong dream of a trip to Egypt got ruined.
You want more proof?
Chelsea wins the Premier League
I lose my passport in Paris and have to stay in a police station and then the streets for 3 days surviving on one packet of potato chips.
The Gudduda abuses me
and the worst of all
My good friend Mhadeno, one of the sweetest people ever, dies.
And now Mohun Bagan has become the Champions of India.
You guys should say your goodbyes while you can. If history is to be judged, am not going to be here for long.