Ramsay Bolton for President

See life is simple – real life that is.

Not an imaginary utopia full of goodness and peace and prosperity and equal rights and unicorns.

Real life, on the other hand, is full of evil and violence and poverty and discrimination and hypocrisy and Bangladeshis.

And that is because real life is full of idiots – for example the same people who drink copious quantities of alcohol while chain smoking and chewing on gutkha are now very worried about the lead content in Maggie noodles.

If you give a free rein to these idiots, the world will go into chaos and confusion and you will be hard pressed to understand – in the words of the immortal Sir Terry Pratchett – the difference between arseholes and breakfast time.

What we need, what humans have always needed is a bastard (not literally) in power. You see, evil recognizes evil and thus can take steps to stop evil from spreading whereas the good will go around talking of issues and trying to look at the positives in every idiot and being politically correct…while the world world gets destroyed around them.

Throughout history, we have seen that the most powerful rulers have always been the most evil, biggest bastards – Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Pinochet, Saddam, Idi Amin, Margaret Thatcher, George W Bush, Chairman Mao, Indira Gandhi, Gaddafi (and all that only in the last century) were all splendid rulers and as long as you did not oppose them, you could live a peaceful, prosperous life.

The only ones who suffered were those who went against them to fight for democracy and equality etc.

Look people, “equality” and “democracy” are the opium of the masses. You never had the power, you never will. Equality exists only in your own mind – you are at the mercy of the rich and powerful overlords. You are their playthings and your voice, your opinion counts for a sum total of sweet fanny addams and diddly squat.

Now, art imitates life.

The Game of Thrones/Song of Ice and Fire series of books/television program gives us an accurate portrayal of life and power.

Only the clueless will think that its all fictional and coincidental with no resemblance to real life.

The GOT people are all so enamored of our petty problems and squabbles and struggles for power that we have forgotten the real enemy, the real danger – the White Walkers.

We are all so enamored of our petty problems and squabbles and struggles for power that we have forgotten the real enemy, the real danger – the Bangladeshis.

And so we come to who would be the ideal person, the messiah, the saviour of humanity against these hordes of evil as epitomised by the Bangladeshis in real life and the White walkers in GOT.

Lets look at the contenders shall we.

Doran Martell is a pacifist – disqualified.

Both Ned Stark and Robb Stark were idiots.

Ned went and warned his enemy that he would have her arrested the next day, the chivalrous dumbass.

Robb, however, went even further into hitherto unknown levels of dumbassednes. You will be hard pressed to find a bigger moronic king in the annals of humanity – and that includes that silly ass Guy of Lusignon who left Jerusalem to go and fight Salah-ad-din (Saladin) in the desert, Prithwiraj Chouhan, all those who opposed Genghis Khan, Laxman Sen and the French. Robb Stark is single handedly responsible for the death of his mother, his wife, his unborn child, the rape of his sister Sansa and the genocide of his people.

Robert Baratheon was a devdas.

Stannis Baratheon SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT betrays and burns his own daughter alive in his lust for power and has lost every war he has fought without external assistance.

Jaime Lannister is a behenchod, literally.

Cersei is the epitome of power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Tywin Lannister would have been an excellent king, but could not keep his dick in his pants.

Tyrion Lannister would probably be a good administrator, but way too weak to be a military power.

Mace Tyrel cannot be taken seriously.

As for the mother of dragons, she has lots of good intentions but unfortunately a 0 grasp of politics and thus her rule has been a massive failure. Hell, she is alive today because of Drogon.

John Snow, as usual, knows nothing.

Drogon, I fear, would be excellent in combat but would suck as an admin.

Littlefinger, I fear, would try to cut a deal with the White Walkers for money or personal glory.

 

However, all hope is not lost in GOT.

So who is left?

We are left with Ramsay Bolton.

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Evil cannot be defeated by good. Evil can only be defeated by greater evil.

Its simple – who are you more afraid of The White Walkers or Ramsay Bolton?

Consider this – The White Walkers will make you a zombie in 3 seconds whereas Ramsay Bolton….

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I have absolutely no doubt that Ramsay Bolton would be a great king – there would be peace and prosperity throughout the land and absolutely nobody would ever invade, including the White Walkers.

Because Ramsay Bolton would find a way to scare the ice off of them.

So Ramsay Bolton for President.

I am afraid that in the real life the anti-humanitarian seculars have ensured that we will never have a Ramsay Bolton in again, and thus humanity is doomed.

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