Blimey Bangladesh Bloody Hell

When you think of Bangladeshis what comes to mind?

Murdering Hindus? Check

Raping Hindus? Check

Hacking secular bloggers into pieces? Check

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Eating lots of fish? Check download (16)

Wearing lungi? Check

Speaking some weird lingo (for example uttering KUKUR as kutta)? Check

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Perennial flood? Check

An increasing inclination towards releasing amateur porn on the net? Check

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Mass illegal immigration? Check

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Massive scale poverty and illiteracy? Check

Millions struggling and scrapping for existence, working against the odds as virtual slaves in factories? Check

 

Now keeping all that in mind, do you think that this is a country which is ideal for producing genuine fast bowlers?

So far the really dangerous genuine quick bowlers have been usually produced by
West Indies (giant descendants of giant Africans),
Australia (giant descendants of giant English criminals and Scots),
South Africa (giant descendants of giant Zulus and Boers) and
Porkistan (giant descendants of giant Aryans)

As for us,
Varun Aaron is fast but since he can’t hit an elephant’s arse (never mind a cow’s arse) with a banjo, such is his control over his line and length, he can safely be disqualified.
Umesh Yadav can also be disqualified because he oscillates between being very effective and being as effective as the Gudduda.

The Bong race has historically been a race of incredibly beautiful women and pot bellied short men with mommy issues. What those incredible women ever see in us is one of life’s greatest mysteries.

With all this as background, answer me this – how in the name of ever loving fuck did they manage to produce such good quick bowlers?????

Indian batsmen humiliating themselves and tying themselves into Gordian knots at the sight of genuine quick bowlers is nothing new – it has been going on since time immemorial (barring a few short years where we had Viru ‘see ball hit ball’ Sehwag beating the ever loving crap out of all bowlers everywhere followed by the mighty Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar, ably supported by Dada and VVS) – and it will continue till the 4 Autowallahs of the Apocalypse arrive honking, signalling the end of the world.

But Bangladesh????

How?? Just how????

Either Heath Streak is the greatest bowling coach in the history of the world or they have chanced upon some freakish talent (like Barca did with Messi).

Only time will tell.

This Bangladesh unit has now massacred the Porkies and us in back to back series. This after a very good show in the World Cup where they humiliated England.

You know what, I am going to go ahead and say it – at present, just by form, Bangladesh is the best ODI side in Asia.

There I said it.

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As for our prima donna numpties, they fall in 2 categories

1. Mentally weak
2. Technically weak

Rohit Sharma has very good technique but mentally is a basket case.

Shikhar Dhawan is calm but has atrocious technique.

Virat Kohli has both, but needs to calm down and stop playing idiotic shots.

Ajinkya Rahane seems to have both a good mentality and a good technique. He performed well in South Africa, New Zealand, England and Australia. But he is lacking that 2-5% extra that is the difference between the good and the great. Maybe Dravid/Gavaskar/Ganguly can have some extended sessions with him.

Another guy who seems to have both is Murali Vijay. He has performed well everywhere over the last couple of years. Its high time he gets into the ODi squad. That ODI squad has way too many attacking players and way too few anchors.

Ambati Rayudu is a waste of time.

Suresh Raina can’t play short pitch stuff, nor can he play genuine swing – its too late for him. Its one of those things you just have to accept. he is not going to be a test player, he will be a good ODI player, but not a great one.

Then there is Mahi. If there is one person who needs to play as a non captain in a few domestic matches to get his form back, its him. Sort it out BCCI.

His Highness Sir Sri Sri Ravindra jadeja the Great needs to be dropped and kicked a few times on his arse to get his head and form back.

Ashwin is ok.

Bhuvi needs some guidance from a good bowling coach. He is on the threshold of a really good career but he needs some help.

Axar Patel is too young.

Yuvi, Robin Uthappa, Yusuf Pathan, Gautam Gambhir, Bhaji, Amit Mishra, Zaheer, Nehra and Piyush Chawla are tool old – those ships have sailed

Ishant Sharma is Ishant Sharma – less said the better

Varun Aaron is hopeless.

Umesh Yadav needs to be introduced to the wonders of non shot pitch deliveries – that man needs a coach.

So overall, there is some hope, but not much.

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The situation is even more grim when you realise that Mahi will go in a couple of years and Kohli is 2 minutes away from a lengthy ban.

Hopefully, the Fab 4, in their various roles in BCCI, will somehow ensure a better class of future generations.

That kid who played for Delhi Daredevils and scored heapo runs, Sanju Samson, Naman Ojha etc are good prospects.
here’s hoping they can step up.

What India needs more than anything else are men of steel, people who will not crumple under pressure.
The next thing we need are players who have an idea of how to play left arm quick bowlers.

Never mind Mitchel Stark or Johnson, you know you are in trouble when you can’t play Ashish Nehra (as evidenced in the IPL).

So it didn’t come as a huge surprise that our batsmen crumpled against that Bangladeshi left arm seamer – that lad bowled beautifully.

Those Bangals easily deserved the victory – they were simply much much better than our rabble.

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And now that I have praised Bangladesh and Bangladeshis, I will have to go drown my sorrows with alcohol.

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Death where is thy sting?

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