Mahabharata vs Mao

Or Chouhan vs the Commies if you will

The scene – in true filmy fashion – is a film institute – The Film and Television Institute of India.

Unfortunately, over the last couple of decades, its become a den of Communism, corruption and cacophony.

The students there have become more interested in dharnas than on development.

But that happens wherever the scum of Communism enters, nothing new.

In a bid to stem the stench of putrefaction that emanates from anything touched by Communists, our current government tried to put a non-Communist in charge.

So far so good.

The problem arose with the choice of candidate.

In a brain fart moment they chose someone who is – in the grand scheme of things – a nobody.

Mr. Gajendra Chauhan, or Yudhisthir of Mahabharata, a man with more or less no exposure to the theories of films or to world cinema or to the artsy fartsy cinema world.

Naturally, consternation ahoy.

Nobody in their right mind thinks that he is the right candidate for the post.

But here’s the jabberwocky.

What exactly is the post and what does the job entail?

The post is that of the Chairman. The responsibilities – the grand total of fuck all and diddly squat. From the information available, its purely an ornamental position – the chairman does not decide the syllabus or the faculty.

Mr. Chauhan is adamant that its an administrative position and as such there is nothing that disqualifies from holding the position.

The Communist scum students of course are clamouring that its all part of saffronising of education.

These fuckwit hypocrite scum have no problems if education turns red, its saffron they have a problem with. Thus, they would have gone on strike no matter who the government had appointed – apart from a fellow Commie scum of course.

So their views don’t matter – however the views of the eminent people from the film and television industry does.

Of course if the students keep on striking and demanding that only a Communist artsy fartsy type would be acceptable to them, then the government has no other option than to ban these students. Or give them a declaration to sign that they will spend the rest of their lives doing only artsy fartsy stuff and will never sing up for any commercial film or television projects.

Something tells me that the students will most definitively not agree to it – after all Communist scum like nothing better than to destroy other people’s money. These students want all the subsidies and benefits of a government institution with none of the responsibilities. And the moment they pass out, they will sign on for the Chennai Expresses of the world.


So there is really 2 things that can be done at this point.

Step 1- rusticate all the Communist scum students and ban them from all government institutions

Step 2 – remove Mr. Chauhan and get someone even halfway qualified as the Chairman.

Ideally it should be a politically neutral person, but even if it has to be someone from politics, get someone like Anupam Kher or Paresh Rawal or Satrughan Sinha or Hema Malini or any other top level person.


if all these people are busy, then Step 3 – put me in charge

Since its mainly a ceremonial position anyway, the person’s administrative qualities or educational qualifications should not matter anyway. As long as the person is eminent and respected in his field, he or she should do fine.

And that person’s first order of business should be to declare that if you are studying at astonishingly subsidized rates at a government institution, then study to the best of your abilities and become a good fimmaker/cinematographer/editor or whatever and stop following anti national Communist practices and philosophy.


Back in my university, while I was studying linguistics, some others were studying literature and some others English teaching, there was a group of lazy bums who were doing media studies.

They were easily the laziest buggers in campus, all they did for two years was smoke ganja, drink alcohol and make stupid ass unrealistic statements.

And out of that group  how many have become even halfway decent and respected people in the media world –

fuck all.


So I know the perfect way of inspiring them into being better students and professionals.

My boot up their arses at least once everyday, twice on Sundays.

Give me just 5 years – I will change the FTII forever and make it a leading name in the world.


2 thoughts on “Mahabharata vs Mao

  1. As one of those people who did media studies (fortunately among other things, but primarily media) there, I am not sure if your stereotype is necessarily true. 🙂 But I admit that our media courses were somehow less demanding than other disciplines. I remember always being puzzled at the amount of studying linguistics and ELT people always seemed to have to do. Ironically, instead of appreciating the situation, in a masochistic moment I decided to my MPhil in ELT. 🙂

    By the way, why do you feel that the students at FTII want a Communist? One of the arguments being made is that they don’t mind someone from even BJP, citing how they were perfectly fine with Vinod Khanna being Chairman, when he was a member of the party.


    1. My dear dude, you were and remain a brilliant student, you would have got a GPA of 5.9 out of 6 irrespective of the stream….and you didn’t only do media stuff…I saw you in ELT classes as well.

      But brilliant students like you, who would succeed in any and all fields, are not the problem.

      The problem is with average students like me, we have to work our butts off just to remain average, never mind being anywhere near the best. And strikes and bandhs and dharnas like these hamper the fuck out of our studies and our efforts. Its us average students who suffer, our grades will fall and we will have 50 shades of trouble getting a decent job.

      As for the Communist thing, I hate Communists – I don’t think that’s any secret 🙂
      Unfortunately, I spent the first two decades of my life in a Communist occupied state. That gave me the unique superpower – of being able to smell out Communists from hundreds of mile away; kinda like Frodo’s sword which glows blue in the presence of orcs and goblins.

      Its a gift, as well as a curse.

      My college was run by the SFI – the Communist student’s wing. The kind of statements these FTII students are coming up with are aligning 100% with the kind of statements those SFI dummies used to come up with.
      Their statement that they would have accepted anyone else, is pure hypocrisy. One of the arguments against Chauhan – by the students – is that he has not educational background in films – well neither do many of the others, the same people whom the students are claiming that they would have accepted.

      The fact of the matter is that the students have only problem – that he is a BJP member.

      And while I in no way support Chauhan as a Chairman and truly believe that he has to go, I can’t condone the biased demands of the students either.

      Moreover, coming from a state which has been thoroughly destroyed by strikes and dharnas, I am inherently anti-strike. Whenever someone goes on a strike with unreasonable demands, my first thought is to put boot on ass.

      And yes I know, that;s my character flaw.


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