Defenders of society
The citizens entrusted by the state to preserve civilisation
And if you happen to be in India, then
Investigators of Shit
Multiple policemen in Hyderabad, the capital of Jai Telangana state, have spent the last few days investigating shit.
And by shit I don’t mean Indian AntiNational Congress party members or Liverpool fans, its actually shit.
One day last week, a dedicated entrepreneur named Vikas was going down the street near the Sitafalmandi railway station. He chanced upon a lady wearing a gold necklace.
Like we are taught in our MBA courses, Vikas pounced upon the opportunity when it presented itself.
However – in an extremely surprising turn of events, the policemen moved from their chairs.
Fearing arrest, Vikas did what any intelligent person would do – he ate the 40 gm gold necklace.
But bad luck followed him.
Showing hitherto unknown levels of ingenuity and will, the police took Vikas to a hospital and got his stomach XRayed.
The court ordered the necklace to be “extricated”.
And thus started the ordeal.
Vikas was fed food, bananas and isabgul and was made to crap in a bedpan, after each crap, the policemen investigated said shit for signs of gold.
For 4 continuous days
Doctors at a government hospital got a 20-year-old chain snatcher to excrete a 40-gm gold necklace which he had swallowed after snatching it from a woman four days ago, a Government Railway Police (GRP) official said here today.
Secunderabad Railway Station Inspector A Anjaneyalu told PTI that accused Vikas R snatched the woman’s necklace when she was walking near the tracks at Sithafalmundi railway station here on the night of August 15, after which he fled.
However, after Vikas was caught by a police team within two hours of committing the crime, he feared that the gold necklace would be found on his person and hence he swallowed it, the official said.
A case was registered under Sections 359 (assault or criminal force in attempt to commit theft of property) and Section 379 (theft) of the Indian Penal Code against Vikas, who was subsequently arrested, the official said.
“He confessed to police that to divert the attention of the police he had swallowed the nacklace and based on his statement, he was X-rayed,” Secunderabad Railway DSP P V Muralidhar Rao said.
The report showed the necklace in his stomach after which he was produced before a magistrate along with the medical report.
Following the court’s directive, he was admitted to the Gandhi Hospital (under judicial custody) to get the necklace “extricated”, Rao said.
“After four days, the gold necklace was excreted by Vikas today evening. It has been done naturally. Besides food, he was given bananas daily at the hospital,” the DSP said, adding that doctors had also planned to conduct a surgery tomorrow, in case he did not excrete the necklace out today.
Talk about shit stirring
The joy, the responsibility, the dignity of policing never ends.