We live in interesting times.
Of course, I am not talking about life, death, politics or war, but something that is much more important – I am talking of football.
The last one month in football has seen records tumbling, glass ceilings shattering, minnows flexing their muscles, upsets galore and Arsenal reaching peak Arsenal.
Lets start with the biggest surprise as far as international football is concerned.
The tulip munching, windmill building, clog wearing pot smokers of the country who can’t even get their names right – Holland or Netherlands? – got their arses handed out to them by the Viking marauders of Iceland.
The Vikings had earlier won at home – but considering that their country looks like the plains of Gorgorath, that’s not too out there. But yesterday night they piled on their ships and rowed down to Eindhoven and opened a pile of whoop ass on the Dutch.
Don’t let the scoreline fool you
The Vikings were in complete control.
This is the first time that the Dutch lost an European qualifiers at home in the last 5 decades.
But their fall from grace did not end there. Just a few days later, they got their pants pulled down again – this time by the hookah smoking, coffee drinking, fez wearing, continent hopping, carpet selling Ottomans.
In group B, Wales has all but guaranteed their qualification with another win and thereby reached rank 9 in the FIFA football rankings.
Wales!! No 9!!!!
Group F sees the former champions Greece in last place, Northern Ireland is 1st!!!
Group G sees Austria secure qualifications by thrashing Zlatan!!
Group I sees Serbia at the bottom
But the internationals are not the only place where the world has turned upside down.
The Serie A has gone bonkers.
The defending champions, the grand old ladies of Juventus currently sit bottom of the table after losing both their matches – something which has happened for the first time in 80 odd years.
Just look at the bloody table
Cheivo is 1, Torino is 2, Sassuolo is 4.
Roma is down in 7, Fiorentina is 10, Udinese 11 and AC Bunga Bunga 12; Lazio and Napoli are 13th and 14th
Just for reference, here is what happened last year
|Pos||Team||Pld||W||D||L||GF||GA||GD||Pts||Qualification or relegation|
|1||Juventus (C)||38||26||9||3||72||24||+48||87||Qualification to Champions League group stage|
|3||Lazio||38||21||6||11||71||38||+33||69||Qualification to Champions League play-off round|
|4||Fiorentina||38||18||10||10||61||46||+15||64||Qualification to Europa League group stage[a]|
|7||Sampdoria||38||13||17||8||48||42||+6||56||Qualification to Europa League third qualifying round[a]|
|18||Cagliari (R)||38||8||10||20||48||68||−20||34||Relegation to Serie B|
|20||Parma[c] (R)||38||6||8||24||33||75||−42||19||Relegation to Serie D|
What about the castanet clacking, fiesta loving, tomato throwing Ole merchants?
In 1st place we have Celta de Vigo
In 2nd Eibar
Sevilla is 17th, Athletic Bilbao 20th.
Crystal Palace is 2nd, Leicester City is 3rd, Swansea 4th.
The Hammers walloped the Gooners at the Library and then walloped the Liverfools at Anfield.
Crystal Palace defeated Chelsea at the Bridge for only the 2nd time in 100 games for Mourinho.
Swansea defeated the ManU again
But don’t worry folks
Even in these tumultuous times, some things remained the same.
Arsenal somehow managed to reach peak Arsenal.
Mr. Wenger had decided to trouser all of the company’s profits and so he did not buy a striker; he decided to go the full season with just 2.
Naturally, one of those 2 is now out for at least 6 months with injury.
So Mr Wenger, in his infinite wisdom, decided to train one of Arsenal’s own.
He decided to rope in Gunnersaurax Rex
Naturally, this is what happened during the training session