You know, there are a group of people – millions and millions of them – who all have one single idea.
To copy the Bongs.
They are all wannabes.
And what to they wannabe?
They wanna Bongs (Bengalis).
This group of people are known as Oriyas. They live in a state called Orissa, which also happens to be a natural bullseye. You name a natural calamity and it befalls the state.
That might be a factor in the Oriya people’s extreme wannabeness.
The last time Oriyas had an original idea Ashoka invaded their country and kicked arse.
This was about 2500 years ago.
And ever since they gave up everything and became Bong worshippers.
This wannabeness and copycat tendencies recently manifested in two events.
Event 1 – Rosogolla Gate
When you say the word Bong or Bengali, what comes to mind?
- Durga Puja
- Mohun Bagan Football club – the most glorious and historical club in all of Asia
- Saurav Ganguly
- Mamata Banerjee
- Rabindranath Tagore
- Swami Vivekananda (and Ramakrishna)
- Satyajit Ray
- Leander Paes
- Jyoti Basu
- Singers and composers like Kishore Kumar, Manna De, RD Burman
- Eminent scientists like Jagadish Chandra Bose, Satyendra Nath Bose, Meghnad Saha, Prafulla Chandra Ray (granted only the nerds will think of them)
Rosogollas are an integral part of Bongness, its a common DNA thingy.
Its like tea and the English, barbecues and the Aussies, haggis and the Scots, vodka and the Russians, maple syrup and Canadians, pasta and Italians, tacos and Mexicans, sushi and the Japanese, whiskey and Irish, noodles and Chinese, vada pao and Mumbai, the French and surrendering.
There is no rosogolla without Bongs, there is no Bong without rosogollas.
Each and every Bong dies twice – once when life gets over and once when diabetes strikes and they have to give up rosogollas.
And it is at such a juncture that the Oriyas had the gumption to come out and claim that the rosogolla is Oriya and not Bengali.
You may want to admire the sheer gall and chutzpah of making such an outlandish and inherently false claim.
That being said, the only things the Oriyas deserve for making such imbecilic assertions are widespread condemnations and looks of sheer disdain.
Event 2- Crowd trouble Gate
Indian and South Africa (or rather their cricket boards BCCI and CSA) decided to play a bilateral series. To that end, the South African cricket team came to India.
The name of the series was taken from the two most eminent persons from the countries’ history – Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela – two lifelong proponents of non-violence and peace.
The series started in Dharamshala – the home of Dalai Lama, another long time proponent of non-violence and peace.
The Indians promptly got spanked (normal)
The next match was scheduled at Cuttack in Odissa/Orissa.
The Indians again promptly got spanked (normal)
And the Oriyas went nuts.
In a completely uncouth and barbaric fashion, they made their displeasure known by throwing water bottles at the ground.
You might think that’s an innovative way of protest.
Its just that the Bongs did it first – all the way back in 1996 when India got spanked (normal) in a World Cup semi-final in Kolkata.
The Oriyas cant even come upon a method of protesting on their own.
They have to copy the Bongs
Wannabes I tell you.
The Oriyas did not just bring shame on them, they shamed the whole nation.
We Indians are supposed to believe in guest rights. For us, its atithi deva bhava – Guests are Godly.
The South Africans are our guests.
No matter what happens on the cricket field, they will remain our guests and thus deserve nothing but our best behavior and our respect (as long as they reciprocate of course).
So far they have behaved impeccably.
The Oriyas, on the other hand, have not.
They have shamed us all.