Oh the Humanity

The world runs on rules.

There are rules for everything

Including rules of combat.

The Geneva Convention has a list of actions that you can and cannot do in combat and to prisoners.

For example, the dick punch.

One of the original commandments of brohood is that thou shalt not kick or punch another bro. Its like of one of those unforgivable curses like Avada Kadavra from Potterverse. Only the most heinous and the villain of the lowest order would resort to a dick punch.

Fortunately or unfortunately, those set of rules don’t apply to your younger bros.

You see, the whole point of having a younger bro is that you get to torture the fuck out of him.

And that’s what I do with my younger bro – the monotesticular Gudduda.

You see, we have a deal – everytime he goes into Devdas/Edward Cullen mode, I get to punch him on his testicles.

This keeps his “Oh I am in so much love, why doesn’t he talk to me” phase in check. However, his latest crush is a 50 odd year old Economics professor, so I think more drastic measures are needed -a mere punch won’t do, kicking needs to come in the picture.

And before some liberal fuddy duddy turns up complaining, getting to punch/kick your younger bro is a right guaranteed in the constitution.

Case in point, this guy.

 

Screen-Shot-2015-12-03-at-6.26.36-PM-e1449185681828-640x397

He was happily sitting there watching a basketball game, when out of nowhere – SURPRISE DICK PUNCH

 

Its always funny – unless of course the Japanese get involved, in which it gets glorious.

Just last week, Joey Ryan used his penis to win a test of strength over Danshoku Dino at DDT Pro Wrestling in Osaka, Japan.

Yep you read that correctly.

And in case you are curious, here it is in all its glory.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/fighter-uses-penis-defeat-opponent-6954726

http://www.dailyoffbeat.com/articles/13404/20151206/man-defeats-opponent-penis-strange-pro-wrestling-match-japan.htm

 

 

Oh Japan.

But all this got me thinking about how mother nature is the ultimate troll.

What’s the weakest and most painful area of a male body?

The testicles

Where are they located?

Hanging loosely outside with no protection.

Mother nature is ROFLing as we speak.

 

Man has been trying to protect the family jewels for the last few thousand odd years.

And all that man has come up with – all that science and technology and shit – is this

sg-abdominal-guard-tournament-400x400-imadcqfqczjwfnkh

 

And let me tell you a secret ladies, this fucker doesn’t even work.

Sure, it saves us men from surefire death, but my Ctulhu the pain.

Its a flimsy piece and when a deuce ball or football or hockyball or tennis ball comes and hits you in the testicles, its the closest a man can get to death without actually dying.

Oh the pain

Oh the humanity

 

Why in the name of all that is holy can’t they make this out of the same material that they use for helmets??

 

But that’s not all.

 

Unless you are a pre-pubescent girl – and if you are, why the hell are you reading this, go away, shoo – you are a acquainted with the male anatomy.

Up top is the penis, down below are the testicles in the ball sack.

Unless you are an elephant, your penis isn’t wider than your whole ball sack area.

So why in the name of hell is the upper part of the abdomen guard wide and the lower part thin?

What kind of heinous imbecility is this????

 

Man can’t even save his testicles properly

And you expect man to save the planet.

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