Colonization – The Cheapo Perspective

The Cheapo is a grumpy bitter miserable old man.

He is forever grumbling and complaining – kinda like the Grinch.

People run away or switch off their lights and hide under their beds when they see the Cheapo approaching.

You can try to run

You can try to hide

But just Liam Neeson, the Cheapo has a particular set of skills – he will find you and he will whine, moan, grumble, complain and irritate and bore you.

If not in person, then online.

Now that all his friends have run away/hidden themselves/resolutely refuse to talk to Cheapo, Cheapo is going around fighting and bugging random strangers.

 

Like online left wing socialist warriors from Britain.

This is a group of people whose heart bleeds for the plight of the Greeks, they are forever clamoring for debt right off and for the whole world to give more money to Greece.

Cheapo is whole heartedly enthusiastic about the Britishers giving money – just not to the Greeks.

He has been fighting the good fight to bug the Britishers to give money to us, the Indians.

 

Why you ask?

 

Thats the same question the Britishers ask

 

Its simply because the Britishers owe us.

They buggered in uninvited and ruled us for 200 years.

Just ruling us is not a problem.

Every man and his uncle Bob has ruled India over the years, we as a race are very accommodating to foreign invaders – be it the Aryans, the Greeks, the Scythians, the Uzbeks, the Persians, the Turks, the Afghans, the English, the French, the Portuguese, Sonia Gandhi etc.

Scott Steiner/John Cena says “You Want Some, Come Get Some”

We Indians say “You want Some, Please Come and take Everything.”

So just ruling over us is never a problem.

 

But beating the crap out of us, raping us, perpetrating genocide by starving us to death (Churchill did that to us Bongs you know, google it and see) and taking all our money is.

So the Britishers owe us.

 

Cheapo reminds them of their obligation.

The British left wing liberal socialists start whinging abut the benefits of colonization and how they dragged Indians out of the dark ages.

 

And then Cheapo puts forth his arguments.

Arguments of European colonization and how it helped shape India.

 

You see, most invaders who came to India settled down in India and contributed to the enrichment of our society.

The Aryans, the Greeks, the Scythians, the Uzbeks, the Persians, the Turks have given us great art, great architecture, great food, great music etc.

The Portuguese gave us potatoes.

Hell even Sonia Gandhi has given us Pappu – India’s greatest comedian.

 

So what have the Britishers given us?

In descending order of importance

  • Abolition of sati
  • Railways (for carrying their soldiers and raw materials for their businesses)
  • Modern science and technology
  • Cricket
  • Pants

But here’s the thing – had the Britishers not turned up, the French or Spanish or Germans would have.

And we would still have received

  • Railways
  • Modern science and technology
  • Pants

The French would probably have shrugged Gaelically while watching Sati and kept on eating their cheese.

The Germans or Spanish would definitely have abolished it.

So of the 5, we have at least 3 things what would have happened no matter who turned up.

Of those 3, pants are over rated (speaking strictly as a nudist of course; comparedto dhotis, pants are manna from heaven)

 

 

So what would have been the difference between the Britishers and some other European power?

Food

Think about it – what is British food?

The English have their fish and chips

The Scots have their haggis

The weirdos at Cornwall have their Cornish pasties.

That’s it

And we Indians don’t need anyone else to teach us how to eat fish.

So that’s haggis and cornish pasties.

 

Just think about what we would have received foodwise had the Germans or French or Spanish or Italians been here?

Oh the cuisines

Oh the wines

Oh the beers

 

And then there is the matter of cricket.

Look at some of the countries that do not play cricket – USA, Russia, Japan, China, Germany, France.

And look at the lot who do play cricket – the Ganja smokers of the Caribbean, the Hobbits, the Bangladeshis, the Porkies, the kangaroo botherers etc.

Just think of how much we could have achieved had we not wasted our time playing cricket.

The sky is the limit people, we would have been one of the first world countries had we not wasted our time with cricket.

But the Britishers came

And we are now stuck with Ishant Sharma.

 

So not only do the British owe us for raping, pillaging and plundering us, they also owe us for giving us fuck all as food and for food.

And Cheapo keeps telling the Britishers this.

Give money

Give Kohinoor

 

So far they have been ignoring the Cheapo.

But Cheapo has a plan.

They say revenge is a dish best served cold.

They are wrong.

You Britishers raped pillaged and plundered us for 200 years.

We are going to inundate your teeny tiny island with Bangladeshis.

Revenge is a dish best served via a Bangladeshi.

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