Ban All Dentists – They Almost Killed Dad

Its the season for Christmas

And that means its the season for Christmas Carols

And so I have come up with the latest and most apt carols of them all

Tis the season to ban dentists

Salalalala la la la la


We wish for a ban on dentists

We wish for a ban on dentists

We wish for a ban on dentists

And a Happy New year


Jingle Bells Jingle Bells

Jingle All the Way

Oh What Fun it is to Ban

All the Dentists Away


Why you ask?

Let me tell you why.

Recently, my father Weird Grandpa Cheapo (usually about 37.6 times healthier and 81.3 times more charismatic than me; however, I am a better writer and my beard is more magnificent) had an accident.

He was taking his morning pills when his dentures came unstuck and went into his throat.

At first he did not realize the gravity of the situation. He thought its the pill that was stuck in the throat.

But soon breathlessness and pain ahoy.

So I decided to take him to a hospital.

The nearest one from out hotel here in Hyderabad is KIMS – Krishna Institute of Medical Sciences.

Here’s the thing with KIMS (well the first thing, there are many).

You go to the Emergency ward. Its an emergency of course.

But before you enter, first you have to take off your shoes.

The world is full of fuckwittery. But this ranks among the top.


Anyway, we entered, we told the doctors about it.

The doctors could not find any problem – issue no 2 with KIMS

And an ENT was not available – issue no 3 with KIMS

Before any more tests could be done, first we had to pay – issue no 4 with KIMS

Lest we forget, it was an emergency situation.

But first payment.


Anyway, so I paid, then specialist doctor came, asked for x-ray, x-ray happened.

They still could not find anything.

Its the whole upper jaw with multiple teeth and they could not figure that out.

They said it must be some mysterious bruise and sent me to buy medicines.

There was no one in the pharmacy – issue no 5

After waiting for half an hour and complaining to different individuals, the pharmacist finally arrived,.


They released dad saying there must be some minor internal bruising, and it will be all cool by evening.


We came back to hotel – despite dad being in immense pain –  and realized that its the dentures that are stuck in the throat.

Immediately tried calling KIMS.

Tried 4 different numbers

Nobody bothered to pick up – issue no 6 with KIMS


By that time the situation had turned critical so I took him to Yashoda Hospital.

Thankfully, they were more professional.

ENT was there, she immediately got an x-ray done and figure out the problem.

She called up her senior.


In true Julius Ceaserian fashion, Veni, Vidi, Endoscopy


Lo and behold there was the teeth, stuck in the esophagus.

Another inch down and it would have been in the windpipe leading to death of the dad.

Mucho mucho emergency.

The senior called up the head of the department to discuss next steps.

They tried removing it under local anesthesia.

The teeth did not come out, pain increased.

There was no other option but surgery under general anesthesia.


It has to be done, it has to be done, money not an object.

Mum’s health was.

She collapsed.


So there we were – one sick papa, one sick mama and one me.


I gave the go ahead to the doctor, made the payment to the hospital, signed whatever had to be signed, arranged for a car to bring mom home, talked to the hotel guys for extension, canceled plane tickets, bought new plane tickets and then went back to the hospital and started vigil outside the operation theater.

The operation got over around 10PM, they took him out and put him in one of those post operative intensive care units till 2AM and then put him in a normal room.

Sigh of relief finally.


Its been a week since then.

Dad is better now. So is mom.

Neither are fully fit though

And of course, then there is me.


Paul Heyman’s Beast Brock Lesnar Eats, Sleeps, Conquers, Repeats


The Beast from Bansdroni aka the Fatman Eats, Travels, Collapses, Repeats

That’s right people, am writing this from my sick bed.


But me collapsing and being sick is news of the same category like a bear shits in the woods, the Pope is Catholic and Arsenal bottling it when it counts.

Its severely boring for you all.

So we will not harp on it.

Instead we will analyze the situation and find the source of all these problems.


And the problem stems from the dentists.

If they had done their job properly, none of these would have happened.

So ban them.

Especially the Bong dentists and dentists from Kolkata and dentists who can speak Bong.

Ban them all.


P.S. Thank you Pallavi for all the moral support and Mallik, Nagesh and Bharat for the offers of help.


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