A Critical Analysis of how WWE will Fork Up Royal Rumble

The Royal Rumble is upon us people.

Its my favorite WWE pay per view, despite the fact that lately WWE more or less always manages to screw it up.

Just think about it, over the last 5 years, who have been the hottest performers at the WWE?

CM Punk and Daniel Bryan

So who won the Rumble?

Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus, John Cena, Batista and Roman Reigns

Result – arenas full of boos.

Bear in mind that the winner headlines Wrestlemania, the premier event of the industry, its hugely important that WWE gets the winner right.

This is all the more important this year because of three reasons

  1. The ratings and viewership across platforms have plummeted to historic lows.
  2. The injurygeddon – Seth Rollins, Daniel Bryan, John Cena, Randy Orton, Sting, Cesaro, Wade Barret, Tyson Kidd, Sin Cara, Daren Young are all out of action for months.
  3. Unlike other years when the winner becomes the no 1 contender, this year the winner becomes the WWE World Heavyweight Champion

So, WWE can’t fuck this up.

The whole success of Wrestlemania depends on getting the right guy in.

But who will be the right guy.

Because I have nothing better to do in life, I sat and and critically analyzed all the single wrestlers, not the specialized tag teams. I looked into their in-rink skills, their mic skills, their acting ability and their characters. I mean the on screen characters of course.

I came up with this ranking.

And of course legends like Undertaker, Sting, HHH, Jericho do not fall in this ranking. They are all 40 out of 40 (Jericho probably more)

Name                     Skills      Mic     Acting    Character    Total    Ranking

Seth Rollins             10          9            10                 9             38            1

Bray Wyatt                 7         10          10               10              37            2

Brock Lesnar             10        6           10               10              36            3

Dean Ambrose          6         10          10                9               35            4

Kevin Owens             8         10            9                8              35             5

John Cena                  8          10          10               7              35             6

Stardust                      7         10           10               7              35              7

Goldust                       6           10          10             9               35              8

Randy Orton              9            9           9                7              34             9

Daniel Bryan             10          7            7               10               34           10

Damien Sandow         7         10          10               7                 34          11

Big E                             8          9            8                7                32           12

Miz                                7         9           8                  7                31            13

Dolph Ziggler            10          7           8                6                 31           14

R Truth                         7          8           9                 7                 31          15

Kane                             7           8           8                 8                 31          16

Wade Barett                7          9            7                 6                29           17

Xavier Woods             6          9            7                 7                29           18

Kofi Kingston              9          7            6                 7                29           19

Big Show                      7            7           7                  7               28          20

Rusev                            8          6            8                6                 28          21

Mark Henry                 7          7             7                6                 27          22

Luke Harper                8          5            7                6                 26          23

Cesaro                           10        4           6                 6                26           24

Alberto Del Rio            8         7            6                5                26           25

Bo Dallas                      6           8           6                5                 25          26

Heath Slater                 7          7             5               5                 24          27

Tyler Breeze                 7          5            7                4                 23           28

Sheamus                       6          6           5                 4                  21          29

Roman Reigns             8          6           2                4                  20          30

Ryback                          5          5            4                5                  19           31

Fandango                     6          4            4                4                  18           32

Adam Rose                  6           4           4                 4                 18           33

Jack Swagger               7           3            3                3                 16           34

Curtis Axel                   4           4            4                4                 16           35

Kalisto                          10          1            2                1                  14           36

Eric Rowan                  5            2           3               4                  14           37

Neville                          9           1            1                1                   12           38

Brawn Strawman        3          1            1                 5                 10            39

Sin Cara                       4           1            1                  3                  9            40

 

If you see the list, 4 of the top 10 are out injured – Bryan, Rollins, Cena, Orton.

Vince McMahon never liked Dusty Rhodes so Goldy and Stardust will never get the big prize.

So that leaves Lesnar, Wyatt, Ambrose and Owens.

Brock Lesnar is Brock Lesnar.

The other 3 are 3 of the most exciting young performers out there. Any one of them winning would be great for the company and a huge main event draw.

So what would Vince McMahon do?

Cena Wins LOL version 2 or in other words Roman Reigns – the worst world champion in history.

He is the stereotypical muscle bound moron ala Lex Luger, Lashley, Ryback that Vince loves so much. The one vs all anti-authority storyline is as old as Methuselah and stinks like the carcasses of a hundred rats. Casual fans and infantiles like the Gudduda may cheer it but recycled shit is still shit.

Reigns winning the thing will do irreparable damage to the industry.

So naturally, Vince McMahon – the millionaire who could have been a billionaire – will ensure that it will take place.

Brock Lesnar vs Kevin Owens would be a match made in heaven for the Wrestlemania Main Event.

So expect Roman Reigns with Rock vs Sheamus with HHH.

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