Good people, we all love animals, right?
Our hearts bleed when we see dogs or elephants or pandas or ponies in trouble. However, for whatever reasons cows, buffaloes, goats, ships and pigs are fair “game.”
We love protesting against illegal poaching of elephants and rhinos for Chinese badoinkadoink medicines while munching on our steaks with bacon while wearing our leather shoes and jackets and carrying stuff in our leather bags.
We constantly abuse the Japanese for eating whales and the Chinese and Koreans for eating dogs, but eating cows is “secular”.
Say it with me people – “because we are fucking shameless hypocrites”
We love the rat chef in Ratatouille, Mickey Mouse, Jerry but see a rat in real life and its ratmageddon ahoy.
We love watching Finding Nemo and cheering the fish when they break the net but do not think twice about committing a genocide on any and all species of aquatic animals.
Humans have perpetrated the worst genocide the world has ever seen – not against other animals, but against poor innocent animals.
But there is one land where the animals fight back.
Aussie Aussie Aussie hoy hoy hoy land.
Everything tries to kill you there.
If its not the sharks, its the crocodiles; if its not the crocodiles, its the snakes; if its not the snakes, its the spiders; if its not the spiders, its the bees; if its none of them, then its the Tasmanian Devil.
So basically since everybody’s trying to kill them from birth, the Aussies grow up to be hardy soul.
Exhibit A- Wolverine, Thor, Gladiator
Exhibit B – They survive that godawful Fosters beer
So it takes a lot to move their hearts and make them go all awwww.
But recently that happened.
A few pictures came out of a couple of kangaroos apparently grieving over another.
The theories flew thick and fast.
The most popular was that the female kangaroo died and her male partner and baby tried to revive her.
The heartbreak was strong in that one.
But professors from the University of Buzz Killington poured liquid nitrogen over everybody’s heart by declaring that what everybody though was love, was in fact lust.
The kangaroos were just interested in a bout of necrophilia.
This is Australia people, when even the cute ones are bastards.
This is truly Nopestan or Nopetania or the United States of Nope if you will.
And we tried to go there and beat them with Ishant Sharma and Umesh Yadav.