Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages
Once upon a time, in a place far away, I was betrayed and stabbed (metaphorically…I was physically stabbed only in dear old Kolkata) and emotionally destroyed. At that time, the future looked bleak and unwanted. I was all alone in the most darkest of places with no way out.
Had there not been anti depressant medicines, pain killers and Jyotika, I would not have made it out alive.
I had to look forward to something. And that something was travelling. I made a list of places I would like to go to.
That was the list of UNESCO World Heritage sites in India and Nepal (the historic/cultural ones, not the natural stuff).
The year was 2010.
Today in 2016, that list is over.
Done it good people, done it….along with some bonus UNESCO sites in Siem Reap, Bangkok, Ayutthaya, Berlin, Cologne, Aachen and Paris.
Been there, seen those.
‘Ole my bollocks’ as some might say.
But that brings me to a problem.
Where the hell should I go next?
Well, I am going to watch the Deadpool movie next. But after that?
Keep in mind folks that the last time I made a list of places, I was both mentally and physically a broken man [I had just come out of my paralysis induced hospitalization (an event of great joy and hilarity for certain of my “friends” for some reason) btw thank you again Minakshi madam and Shailaja madam for taking me to the hospital).
Now, am as fresh mentally as a drunk Deadpool on acid, so the world is my oyster.
However, critics opine that I look like QuasiCheapo, the Hunchback of Naktala Dame, and that I walk like Humpty Dumpty (the egg, not the cannon) after his great fall. The Gudduda is nodding his head as I write.
So don’t tell me silly stuff like trekking holidays and walking tours. You are looking at the man who has already collapsed on top of Taj Mahal (ban it), Humayun’s Tomb, Hauz Khaus village, Ajanta caves, the Gol Gumbaz in Bijapur, Golconda Fort, Amber fort, Chitradurga Fort, the Mall in Darjeeling, the Mall in Gangtok, Palitana, the hills of Badami, the Cologne cathedral, the Sunderbans etc etc all in the last 6 years or so……you get the picture.
They don’t call me the Collapso King for nothing.
Kolkata doctors have predicted that the Gudduda might possibly be an adult by the year 2030 and since he is the only person who not only cares enough about me but also can bear my weight when I inevitable collapse, all tough and physically demanding places have to come after 2030.
So, back to the question of what’s next
I made a list, a list of interesting places, places I can go in the next couple of years.
As always there are pros and cons for each destination. I have jotted them down.
And at the end, there is a poll, where you guys, gals, and Gudduda, you my beloved readers, can vote and tell me where I should head next.
Well its Egypt, is an explanation really necessary? Nile! Cairo!! Luxor!!! Thebes!!!! Abu Simbel!!!!! the Sphinx!!!! Camels!!!!
Its expensive during winter when the tourist hordes turn up; its extremely hot during summer, plus potential lack of non-mammalian food plus terrorists
- Possibility of meeting a Moose
- Niagara falls
- Toronto with its museums
- Montreal with its museums
- Quebec and the Frenchy stuff
- Ice hockey
- Chances of seeing polar bears and penguins
- Maple syrup
- Chances of rich Canadian types thinking am a destitute refugee and giving me a dollar
- Viking settlement – an UNESCO site
- Direct flight via Jet (I am a cardholder there and get loads of JP miles which I redeem to get free tickets)
- Cool weather
- My dear friend Jyotika
- Possibility of getting kicked by a Moose
- Never mind the hotels, even the hostels are a bit expensive (30/35 dollars a day for 10 days is a bit mucho dinero, have to search a lot for discounts and deals)
- Chances of racist Canadian types thinking am a destitute refugee and giving me a kicking
- My history with the Frenchies have not been good so far
- Fear of Jyotika, what if she shouts at me or abuses me? My tears will rival the Niagara Falls – flood ahoy
Petra!!!!!! When I was around 12 years old I saw the movie Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and fell in love with history and archaeology (its only when I grew up and studied history a lot that I realized that he is one of the worst archaeologists ever). But my enchantment with history remains and Petra remains at the very top of those enchanted places
Dead sea and Roman ruins
Expensive, very hot, threat from ISIS, potential lack of non-mammalian food
Exotic, not expensive, UNESCO sites, interesting food
Its a Commie country plus heat and humidity
Borobudur, interesting food, the Komodo dragon
Heat and humidity, terrorists, the flights keep disappearing over their oceans
Multiple UNESCO sites, cheap, same time zone, similar culture
Heat and humidity plus some weird law about tattoos
UNESCO sites, Rembrandt, those wooden shoes, pot brownies, my friends Abhishek and Philomel are living there so I can bunk with them
My friends Abhishek and Philomel have a beautiful wee baby; not much to see apart from the museums so might not be worth the flight tickets
Rome, Florence, Turin, Milan, Venice, Pompeii, pizza, pasta
Winter is too cold, have to carry shit load of luggage; summer is too expensive and hot; plus there is a chance the racistos will think am a refugee and beat me up
Himalayas, mountain goats, nice culture and food, same currency
Have to go in train, chances of seeing Bangladeshis high
Monasteries, camels, cold
Journey time; going alone a waste of money and will have to go alone because being a Mr. Burns esque genocidal misanthrope, I don’t thrive in groups
So there you have it, the pros and cons.
So where should I go next?
Vote good people, vote.
If you people are good and kind, the next poll would be about what tattoo I should get next. That one should really be interesting.