Today – I know its been a long break; hey man try writing stuff after ingesting 15 tablets a day, the mind is befuddled beyond belief, there’s confusion throughout the brain, pain throughout the body; you are lucky I can still clean my own arse – I shall regale you good readers with that great childhood pleasure: a ghost story.
I should tell you right at the start that I am a snob when it comes to ghost stories – none of that naamby pamby Evil Dead/Shaun Hutson type brouhahas for me. All that’s for kids and imbeciles like the Gudduda. Give me a good atmospheric suspense-filled M. R. Jamesesque story that will keep you awake all night and make you go searching for your bollocks because it had run away and hidden somewhere (what happens to girls? do their tits run away? worth pondering).
As such, and quite naturally, am interested in haunted places.
Before we proceed, let me clarify that graveyards and crematoriums are, by definition, the least haunted places on earth.
Think about it, why do we become ghosts? Because we are attached to something or someone or because we died in an accident. Who the Batman will our souls get attached to in a graveyard/crematorium? And unless someone trips and falls in a grave or jumps into a pyre under the influence of LSD, the accidental death thingy is also out.
So what is haunted?
Haunted houses are present all over the world (most of them bogus) but when it comes to the spectacular and the grandiose, you have to look at India.
And here in India, we don’t do mere haunted houses.
We do whole haunted cities.
And one such city is Bhangarh, near Jaipur in Rajasthan.
Bhangarh Fort is situated on the border of Sariska Tiger reserve in the Aravali range between Jaipur and Alwar.
King Bhagwant Das had established the damned (literally!) city in 1573. He had two sons – Man Singh, the famous General of Mughal Emperor Akbar and Madho Singh. Bhagwant Das developed Bhangarh as the residence of his younger son Madho Singh who lived and ruled Bhangarh his whole life. The name comes from Bhagwant’s father, Bhan Singh.
Now, let me give you a layout of the place.
There are four more gates of entry to the fort – the Lahori Gate, the Ajmeri Gate, the Phulbari Gate and the Delhi Gate. Inside there are many Hindu temples – Hanuman Temple, Gopinath Temple, Someshwar Temple, Keshav Rai Temple, Mangla Devi Temple, Ganesh Temple and Navin Temple.
The residence of the priest called the Purohitji Ki Haveli is located in the temple complex.
After the temple complex comes the Nachan Ki Haveli (dancer’s palace) and Jauhari Bazar (market place). The Royal Palace is located at the end of the fort.
As things happen in India, there are multiple legends about the ghostiness of the fort-city.
Legend 1 – Cherchez la Saint
A sadhu named Baba Balanath/Balu Nath lived within the fort area. He had declared that any houses built in the precincts of the fort should not be taller than his house, and if the shadow of any such house fell on his house, it would result in destruction of the city. The emperor as usual went full retard and constructed the Bhangarh fort with several stories. Inevitably, shadows touched the the sadhu’s house.
Therefore, the entire town was destroyed and ever since any construction around the crushed location or palace faces collapse. The samadhi of Guru Balu Nath is still there where he was buried and its his ghost who loiters around ensuring the eternal ruination of the place.
Legend 2 – Cherchez la Femme
Ratnavati was the princess of Bhangarh. She was beautiful (somehow we never hear of non-beautiful princesses, the law of averages require around half to be non-beautiful, where are the stories about them I wonder?)
There was a tantrik called Singhia, who was completely smitten by her. He decided to seduce her using magic. One day Singhia saw the princess’s maid in the market buying some oil/ittar (scent). He tried to enchant the oil by using black magic so that upon touching it, the princess would surrender herself to him. However, the princess saw the trick and poured the oil on to the ground. The oil turned into a rock (laws of physics can go fuck themselves) and rolled towards the magician and crushed him. But with his last breath, he went into Arsene Wenger mode and cursed the Bhangarh city to death and said there will be no more rebirths.
After this incident, the curse showed its results in a the battle between Bhangarh and Ajabgarh, where Ratnavati was assassinated. However, some local (folk) stories tell that the princess has taken a rebirth somewhere else and that the fort is waiting for her return. All the erstwhile residents of the fort have become ghosts and are awaiting her arrival.
Legend 2b (or not)
Bhangarh Fort was invaded by the Mughals from the north and the city was surrounded and sacked; 10,000 people lived in the fort city at that time. All the people in the fort, including the princess, were killed. The fort is now the home of the ghosts of the wizard and the princess.
The tales of ghostiness has increased so much that even the government has got in on the action. They put up notices saying that noone is allowed to be in the complex after sunset – “visiting the fort before sunrise and after sunset is strictly prohibited and if rules are violated legal action would be taken”.
People often hear strange noises (screaming, crying voice of women, bangles sound in the rooms) and they reported many weird and scarcely credible incidents like some one’s talking and a special smell is felt. Such kind of weird incidents are reported in the fort after dusk. People have seen ghostly shadow, strange lights, unusual sound of music and dance coming from the Bhangarh Fort. It is said that whoever entered in the fort after sunset and stayed there for a night,will not return from the fort next morning. As per one report an old man is often seen in the place muttering to himself and approaching people to tell the story of the fort, but if you turn around, the old man vanishes.
Now, all this is hearsay. For proper research to take place someone has to go and spend a week or so in the fort.
Only then can we be certain for sure about the ghostiness of the place.
But, I cannot do it; not because am afraid of ghosts of course but rather because the place has no ac.
No ac = No Cheapo
But fear not dear readers.
The mystery shall be solved. I have accepted the challenge and I will unleash my monotesticular homosexual imbecile of a brother Gudduda the Dildo into that fort the day he turns into an adult.
Gudduda vs the ghosts would be a tale worthy of remembrance.