10 Things We Learned from EURO Matchday 1

Matchday 1 of the eagerly anticipated EURO championships just came to a close. 12 matches with 23 teams and 11 Belgians contested for glory and fame.

As usual, some were good, some bad and some Belgium.

Here’s what we have learned so far.

Payet’s Magnifique

When your main striker is Olivier Giroud, you know you are in deep shit. Couple that with a defense that will get teared a new one by any good attacking side, and you basically have the international equivalent of Arsenal (of the last 10 years).

Its embarrassing and humiliating.

You would need a stupendously good midfield to balance out the revers shit sandwich.

Thankfully, for France, they have Payet.

He is one of the few who has managed to carry over a glorious club form to the international area.

Sterling is a Waste

Ok,we already knew that.

But why Hodgson is playing him and not Vardy is a mystery for all ages.

But then that’s how old Roy rolls.

There is no other explanation for Harry Kane taking corners.

Wales is a Dark Horse 

All the talk was about Gareth Bale’s greatness. But, make no mistake, this Wales side is pretty solid. It most definitely isn’t a one man side. This team will pose problems to everybody.

Imbeciles > UEFA

It takes a massive massive massive amount of talent and dedication to be worse than AIFF. UEFA just managed it.

What the English and Russian morons did in the streets of Moscow is technically not UEFA’s problem. That’s French government’s headache.

But what happened inside the stadium is totally upto UEFA.

It was 16th August 1980, in the Kolkata derby between Mohun Bagan and the scum of East Bengal. The scum waded into Bagan fans with knives and machetes; 16 people died.

That was the end of mixed seating. Fans have been segregated into opposite ends of the stadium ever since. Even the gates they use are different, the time for entry and exit different.

If the AIFF – the world’s most inept governing body – can do that, UEFA can’t?

Which moron decided that mixed seating is a good idea…especially with England and Russia involved?

If Gotze starts, Germany won’t win

Jogi Low needs to stop scratching his balls and start thinking with his head.

Playing a false 9 is all well and good if you have a decent false 9.

Maybe someone like Thomas Mueller.

But playing him on the wings and Mario Gotze as a false 9 is basically putting out a team with only 10 players. Gotze is a waste of oxygen.

Also, that defense looks shaky. Playing Khedira and Kroos in front of them is further complicating matters. Kroos can’t defend and Khedira is usually bombing forward.

This leaves acres of space, as it happened in almost every Ukraine counter attack. Its only because of a combination of luck and Manuel Neuer that Germany escaped with a win.

Maybe Kimmich or hell even Hummels in the Makelele role might help.

You had one job Czech defenders

Spain is a team of hobbits.

They have a grand total of 3 tall players, and one of them is Busquets.

So, in set pieces, the Czech defenders had to stop basically two people – Ramos and Pique.

They couldn’t do that.

The Slavs need Strikers 

Czech, Romania, Slovakia, Ukraine, Russia – 5 teams, 1 problem

No decent striker.

Never mind a Lewandowski or Suarez, even a Dzeko or Mario Gomez caliber striker will really really help these teams, especially Slovakia and Ukraine.

Both of these are solid teams with enormous potential to upset the established powers, all they need is a good striker.

Belgium is the new Villa

I thought that the Germany 2000 team was the worst (from an established nation) in an international tournament. Compared to this Belgium, they played Jogo Bonito. Shambolic is an understatement.

It looked like a bunch of random strangers have been rounded up and told to fucking run around.

Admittedly, it was against an excellent Italian side but when you are the 2nd ranked team in the world, there is a responsibility not to play like the Indian football team.

Belgium should stick to eating waffles, making chocolates and playing hockey, football is not for them.

Ice Ice Baby

Iceland – the result of the tournament so far. Long may they continue.

Welcome back Hungary, you have been missed

Anyone who knows about football history has a soft spot for Hungary. They are the football equivalent of the one who got away.

So it just gladdens the heart to see them in an international tournament once again.

And the fact that they played really well and spanked Austria just makes it even better.

 

So, there you have it.

Germany, Italy, Hungary, Iceland, Wales and Spain impressed.

England, Austria, Belgium, Czech, Albania and Russia didn’t (Russia’s anthem, however, made me want to invade Poland, so at least they have that going for them).

Bring on Matchday 2.

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