atchday 2 of EUROS just ended. Here’s what happened.
- We need our USSR Back
There was a time when the USSR used to be a footballing powerhouse. They used to play good football and win stuff. Why?
Because they had the best of Russia and the best of Ukraine (plus some other countries).
Then they broke up and look at the shit they are serving now. Ukraine, Russia both suck bad and are competing for the tag of the worst team in the competition. There’s only one to get out of this mire.
2. Chat Shit, Get Banged
When will players learn?
If history has taught us anything, its that hubris is a bitch. If you have to gloat, gloat after the event, not before. If you have to pump up your team, do so without mentioning the opponent. Anything else is just asking for a kick in the nuts.
And that’s precisely what happened in the England-Wales game. Gareth Bale got the Ronaldo virus and made bombastic statements before the match.
The inevitable happened,
3. Roy of the Rovers
Roy Hodgson is supposedly an old fashioned manager.
Nobody knew just how old.
In a day and age where ball scratchers are experimenting with a system without strikers, there was something immensely pleasurable about Roy going into US Civil War general mode and opting for a 2-1-7 formation. The last time we had something like that it was the 1930s and defense in football was a bourgeois concept.
4. That’s Some Serious JUJU
Curses are great. We all know about Bela Guttman. Apparently, Kevin Durant has a curse of the Bass God on him.
There are many curses, some famous, some not so
But what about Germany and the 2nd match syndrome?
Lets look at recent history
1994 – Spain 1-1
1996 Russia 3-0
1998 – Yugoslavia 2-2
2000- England 0-1
2002 Ireland 1-1
2004 – Latvia 0-0
2006 Poland 1-0
2008 Croatia 1-2
2010 Serbia 0-1
2012 Netherlands 2-1
2014 Ghana 2-2
2016 Poland 0-0
In the last 12 tournaments, Germany has managed to win their 2nd match only 3 times, and 2 of those were against crap opponents.
A curse is the only explanation.
5. Death, Taxes and Olivier Giroud
There are very few certainties in life. The only things that we can count on are death, taxes, the awesomeness of Lord Bendtner and Olivier Giroud missing chances.
There is something rather endearing about his steadfast dedication to missing chances.
If France wants to win, Griezman needs to play, simples.
6. Something’s Rotten in the Kingdom of Balkans
As some eminent person said, Marshal Tito deserves a Lifetime Achievement Nobel for his impact on the Balkans.
People say that the Kashmir issue or the Gaza issue are hugely problematic. They are childish affairs compared to that basket case that is the Balkans.
Slovenia and Macedonia have quietly and more or less successfully managed to escape that hellhole. But Serbia, Bosnia, Croatia and Albania have managed to turn the region into a clusterfuck of gargantuan proportions.
How they manage to consistently produce excellently talented individuals in a number of sports despite everything is one of world’s great mysteries.
7. Belgium is the new Belgium
Some say that we all have hidden talents inside us. There might be a painter or writer or dancer or singer or as in my case a cannibal just waiting to come out.
Belgium has the same problem.
There’s a fantastic team in there somewhere, if only they could get their heads in order. Wilmots seems to have the tactical acumen of mashed potato, but seems to be a good man manager. Maybe an Ireland style co-manager system will get the best out of them.
8. Jogi Low is slowly disappearing up his own arse
This is the worst I have seen Germany perform since 2000. But yet, we are stuck with Mario Gotze. I don’t see them making it to the semis.
9. Huns vs Vikings
Most entertaining match of the tournament for me. Just 2 countries throwing haymakers at each other. On the one hand we have the minnowest of minnows and on the other hand we have the resurrection of a fallen giant.
Whats not to love.
If there is a football god, both teams will advance.
Preferably at the expense of
10. Oh Ronaldo