There are some things in life that money can’t buy, for everything else there’s Mastercard.
Remember that tag line?
As an ad mantra, its quite good.
Unfortunately, most film makers have taken that mantra to heart. They have liberally used their money to buy history. They have figured that since you can’t but intelligence, they won’t even try.
Thus, we are saddled with movies that deviate so much from actual history and reality that they might as well include the storylines in Porkistani textbooks.
And as a result, we have generations of imbeciles like my brother Dildo McDildoface aka the Gudduda.
We have had to endure such Hollywood produced historical documentaries such as Alexander, Braveheart, Pocahontas, Gladiator, Pearl Harbour, The Patriot, Troy etc.
Bollywood producers were not to be denied. Whatever Hollywood can do, Bollywood can do weirder.
We have had to endure Shakrukh Khan’s Ashoka, Amir Khan’s Mangal Pandey, Hritik’s Jodha Akbar, Salman’s Veer, Ajay devgan’s Bhagat Singh, the excruciatingly atrocious Bajirao Mastani (seriously? one of the greatest army generals in the history of India and you make a movie about his love life with both his queens dancing together in court and such crap), Bahuballi and many other such gems.
But there is only one who can be called the creme de la creme, the Kohinoor of crap, the indefatigable imbecile –
Poor Mohenjodaro, poor poor Mohenjodaro.
As far as cities go, it has to count as one of the unluckiest in history.
Just look at cities like Damascus, Kashi, Athens, Luxor, Benin, Jericho, Samarkhand, Patna, Siddon, Aleppo (ok so this one’s fucked), Jerusalem etc etc
Not only are these some of the oldest cities in the world, they are also some of the oldest continuously inhabited cities of the world.
That means that in various guises these cities have survived for thousands of years.
And then there is Mohenjodaro.
Poor poor Mohenjodaro.
Mohenjodaro, built around 2500 BCE, was one of the largest settlements of the ancient Indus Valley Civilization. It was contemporaneous with the civilizations of ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, Minoa, and Norte Chico.
The city was constructed with manufactured, standardized, baked bricks. Shops lined the main streets and the city had a grand marketplace. Some houses were spacious and with a large enclosed yard. Each house was connected to a covered drainage system that was more sanitary than what had been created by the civilization in Mesopotamia. Mohenjodaro had a building with an underground furnace (a hypocaust) and dressing rooms, suggesting bathing was done in heated pools, as in modern day Hindu temples.
The people of Mohenjodaro and Harappa shared a sophisticated system of weights and measures, using an arithmetic with decimals. Whether these written symbols were a part of a full-blown written language is a matter of controversy among scholars, some scholars pointing out that this and the brevity of grave site inscriptions and symbols on ritual objects are not evidence of a fully developed written language.
The people mass-produced pottery with fine geometric designs as decoration, and they made figurines depicting their attitudes. They grew wheat, rice, mustard and sesame seeds, dates and cotton. And they had dogs, cats, camels, sheep, pigs, goats, water buffaloes, elephants and chickens.
Mohenjo-daro was abandoned in the 19th century BCE as the Indus Valley Civilization slowly declined and disappeared.
For a long time, historians argued about the causes of the fall of the IVC. They claimed that Mohenjodaro was devastated and destroyed by
- Catacylsmic Alluvion
However any modern historian or even any random history enthusiast will tell you that both factors have been dismissed after new research.
Nowadays, the theory is a that a combination of factors led to the abandonment.
1. Change in course of rivers
Vedic texts made several references to Sarasvati river (possibly Gaggar-Hakra) and its disappearance in the desert. Interestingly there was a brief reference to a tributary river Sutudri (now Sutlej river) changing its course and joining the Indus river. This could have led to drying of Sarasvati river. Satellite images also indicated changing of river courses due to tectonic activity in region. The source of rivers, the Aravali mountain range keeps growing due to tectonic activity, thus impacting the river courses.
2. Drying up of Ghaggar-Hakra river
The sites on the Ghaggar-Hakra valley was affected by gradual desiccation. The Sutlej or the Yamuna once flowed into Ghaggar; however tectonic shifts led to river capture. Either the Yamuna joined the Ganga system or (this one is more likely) the Sutlej was captured by the Indus. M.R Mughal’s(1997) study shows a drastic reduction in settlements as the river beds dried up.
3. Change in weather pattern
Based on isotope data from the sediment of an ancient lake, the researchers suggest that the monsoon cycle, which is vital to the livelihood of all of South Asia, essentially stopped there for as long as two centuries.
The city suffered extensive flooding and people might have died off as a result of water-borne diseases such as cholera. Recent investigations revealed considerable evidence of flooding at Mohenjo Daro in the form of many layers of silty clay. The massive brick platforms on which the city is constructed and the fortifications around parts of it seemed to have been designed to provide protection against such floods. Conditions would have been ideal for the spread of water-borne diseases, especially cholera, although cholera epidemics cannot be proved to have occurred.
So Bollywood decided that a movie set in Mohenjodaro is a good idea.
This is the trailer
Entertaining? Possibly yes, depending on your taste.
Unfortunately, generations of imbeciles will believe it to be true.
Now, I am a reasonable(ish) man. I know that Bollywood needs to add masala to cater to the dildoesque audience.
But, if the movie makes these claims “He took help from archaeologists who documented the discovery of Indus Valley Civilisation.” “Gowariker took over three years to research and develop the script, working closely with archaeologists to ensure authenticity in the representation of his fictional story” then I have a problem.
In fact I have many.
Do you know what the word Mohenjodaro means?
Ans: Mound of the Dead Men (or Mound of Mohan)
So, it is extremely imbecilic to suggest that as the name of the thriving town.
Of course, the original name is not known. However, based on his analysis of a Mohenjodaro seal, Iravatham Mahadevan speculates that the city’s ancient name could have been Kukkutarma (“the city [-rma] of the cockerel [kukkuta]”). Cock-fighting may have had ritual and religious significance for the city, with domesticated chickens bred there for sacred purposes, rather than as a food source. Mohenjo-daro may furthermore have been a point of diffusion for the eventual worldwide domestication of chickens
Now from all archaeological evidence, and from anthropological data, it is fair to assume that the Indus Valley people weren’t that big on garments.
The Indus Valley Civilisation has left behind a significant amount of material culture from which to piece its history. More than 10,000 terracotta figurines, unearthed from various sites of the Indus Valley Civilisation, are available to act as a prototype of the MohenjoDaro woman. These figurines not only depict the body type of the Indus Valley people but also reveal their fashion in terms of their dress and accessories.
Look at the figures?
What is evident?
Triangular headdress, short skirt/loincloth and boobies
Moreover, look at all the tribes in all the hot places Austalia, Africa, Asia, Central and South Africa – what do their dresses look like? They are usually topless with loinclothes or with toga/shawl/gown thingy.
The above picture is a pretty good indicator.
Now, I know its Bollywood and India, the home of the hypocrites so nudity is ruled out. So topless with loinclothes is a strict no-no. These people have to shown wearing something.
But what in the name of holy hell is this?
Where the fuck did the bras come from?? Bras were invented in 1899…fucking 4000 years later than Mohenjodaro.
4. Skin Tone
Only Bollywood and nincompoops would depict an aboriginal Indian group of people as fair skinned. Oh our fascination with the “goraness”.
Horses in Mohenjodaro!
Around 500/600 years before they actually came over
Its like kangaroos in Egypt or alpacas in Sumer/Mesopotemia or penguins in China
The main Iron Age archaeological cultures of India are the Painted Grey Ware culture (1200 to 600 BCE) and the Northern Black Polished Ware (700 to 200 BCE)
The film is set in 2016BC , slap bang in the middle of the Bronze Age. Iron hadn’t been invented yet.
Its like showing Babur using a computer to defeat Ibrahim Lodi at Panipat.
Even apart from the gladiators, the movie is full of violence.
However, just to put that into context, some 50,000 items have been excavated from the archaeological site of Mohenjo Daro, and not one of them is a weapon.
9. Huge Buildings
When you think of ancient civilizations, what comes to mind?
Egypt, Sumer/Mesopotemia, China and IVC
And when you think of huge ancient buildings, what comes to mind?
The pyramids of Egypt and the ziggurats of Sumer/Mesopotemia right?
Gargantuan buildings in Mohenjodaro
Its a Hindi movie, so they have to speak Hindi.
But what’s with the Sanskritized Hindi liberally interspaced with Urdu words?
12. Jumping the Shark
What would be the exact opposite of jumping the shark?
A moment so awesome that it completely wipes away all the horrendous shittiness around?
Asutosh Gowarikar thought that just because we are Indians, we will eat up any shit without a murmur.
He thought wrong.
The movie has been a stupendous flop.
The public’s reaction and reception can be summarized as