Abandon all Hope, Ye who is Cheapo

I have scored people, scored. What have I scored dear readers?

Did I have sex?

Yeah, right, have you seen me?

In the sexual attraction quotient index, I lie somewhere between mashed potato and amoeba. To say that women get repulsed by me is an understatement. Allegorically speaking, if the sun represents what women – represented by planets and moons – find attractive, then I am fucking Proxima Centauri.

So what have I scored? Did I score a century or maybe goals?

Have you seen me? I can barely move from my bed to my fridge.

So what have I scored?

Let me ask you a question

What does the word “score” mean?

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/score

Now, can you guess?

I will give you a hint – its got to do with the number 20.

Still not sure?

More hints?

https://fatunclecheapo.wordpress.com/2015/04/28/i-am-fucked-and-not-in-the-good-way/

https://fatunclecheapo.wordpress.com/2016/03/30/of-mice-and-meds/

Yep, now you get it.

My daily intake of tablets/capsules/pills has reached 20.

Huzzah, as they say.

If you had read the referred posts, you would know that my earlier record was 15.

But, now, with the excellence of my good luck and the cooperation of my body, I have finally managed to score.

 

Cardiac – 2 daily

Liver – 8 daily

Stomach – 1 daily

Brain – 2 daily

This was regular till about a month ago.

 

But then I got my soul wrenched by a shattered promise and I got disqualified from my muse-ship. Moreover, I thought that finally I have broken my hero’s tolerance levels and that she has “fuck off Cheapo” d me.

Suicidal thoughts ahoy.

https://fatunclecheapo.wordpress.com/2016/10/12/the-final-deletion/

So, the peoples took me to the head doctor.

And he diagnosed that Cheapo is suffering from a lot of big words which Cheapo had never heard of before.

Cheapo came home and googled to find out what the big words meant.

Apparently, Cheapo has

http://psychcentral.com/encyclopedia/suicidal-ideation/

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/dependent-personality-disorder-symptoms/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_dysregulation

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/dysphoria

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysphoria

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder

 

The words For Fuck’ Sake is pertinent here. That’s a whole bunch of disorders Cheapo didn’t even know existed.

And let’s face it, its only going to get worse.

Not only are Cheapo’s organs going to get worse, but also sooner or later Jyotika will go away. It will either be because I piss her off or because of career + studies + family + boyfriend/husband+ children + sick and tired of my whining and moaning

And then what will happen to me?

Doom, gloom, misery

Its prolonging the inevitable. I explained all that to the head dude.

But he didn’t listen. And added more medicines.

So, now its

Cardiac – 2 daily

Liver – 8 daily

Stomach – 1 daily

Brain – 4 daily

 

But that’s still 15…what about the rest?

Well, rest easy ladies and gentlemen.

There’s more.

My legs had more or less survived the ravages of time.

But they were feeling lonely and wanted in on the action.

So for the last month or so, my right leg has decided to down tools.

The bone doctor says that ligaments and tendons around my right ankle have gone all wonky poo.

Result 4 more tablets daily.

So that’s 19

And then there’s another one for the stomach so that I can digest all these 19.

Voila

20

Well 20 pills/capsules/tablets per day

There is also a nasal steroid spray thingy, mainly because my lungs are what can scientifically be termed as a complete Horlicks.

 

All I can say is thank fuck I haven’t told the doctors about the my fingers toes, calfs, deltoids/pectorals etc all spasming uncontrollably and automatically.

I would never hear the end of it.

On the positive side, as you all know that I have been contemplating ending things, I have figured that its going to be very easy.

All I have to do is to stop taking my meds – and baboom.

keep-calm-and-abandon-all-hope-11

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