According to the Greeks, Sisyphus was a bit of a bossturd. He decided to tangle with the Olympians (never a good idea – look at what happened to that poor bugger Prometheus) and pissed the crap out of Ares. He also had the temerity to rat out Zeus (father of all luj characters), while he was forking some river god’s daughter.
Result – Tartarus for all eternity.
It was time with hard labour – the dude would have to push a rock up a steep mountain, only to have the rock roll down….and this till the end of time. (well technically he got a break once – according to Ovid – apparently he sat down and listened to the songs of Orpheus).
Suffice to say that as far as punishments go, this is right up there as one of the meanest. Ever since, pointless or futile activities which are doomed to fail are often described as Sisyphean.
Which brings us to Cheapo – the modern day Sisyphus.
Critics opine that his whole life is Sisyphean in nature. Cheapo disagrees. There are only certain areas and aspects of the Cheapo’s life which are Sisyphean in nature.
The masochistic element comes in the picture because Cheapo knows that these things are doomed and destined to fail, yet like a fool, like a stupid idiot he persists in doing them anyway.
1. Falling in love
Let’s look at this objectively …..
- powerful guys
- smart guys
- intelligent guys
- handsome guys
- charismatic guys
- mysterious guys
- confident guys
- normal guys
- healthy guys
And then there is Cheapo – the exact opposite of each and everything on that list.
So, its a foregone conclusion that those of the estrogenic persuasion are never going to find Cheapo attractive.
Despite knowing this, the damn fool went and did it anyway – the idiot fell in love…not once, but twice!!!
Sisyphean masochism at its best.
But all that’s in history.
Why is Cheapo talking about that now?
Statistically, it has been proven that none – not a single one – of the Cheapo’s dreams have ever come true.
So one should assume that the stupid idiot would stop dreaming shouldn’t he?
Showing extreme varieties and severe symptoms of masochism, the stupid idiot keeps on dreaming and hoping for things to happen. He even makes plans!
And then what happens to his dreams and hopes and desires and plans?
Is the Pope Catholic?
Does a bear shit in the woods?
With the inevitability of night following day, sun rising in the east and setting in the west, Windows crashing, Brock Brocking, DC fucking up, St Totteringham’s Day, and Arsenal bottling it in Europe, Cheapo crashes and burns.
Cheapo’s life is a maze of mangled hope, an encyclopedia of excruciating pain, a boulevard of broken dreams, a promenade of pulverized promises.
Battered, bruised, broken, maimed, mutilated and mauled by fate, life and by humans – some of whom were supposed to be his friend – Cheapo’s remains an empty husk of hopeless forlorn pathetic piece of homunculus.
Life keeps on giving lesson after lesson after lesson that Cheapo does not deserve life, does not deserve hope, does not deserve to dream.
But the stupid idiot does not learn his lesson.
So, if you wanna see Sisyphean endeavors with a dollop of masochism, and you don’t wanna go to Tartarus, look no further than our very own Cheapo.