Island of Nopistan

We all know Cheapo loves travelling.

No place is out of bounds (except Bangladesh, as it is a land full of uncouth barbarian East Bengal supporters), no distance too far (well Cheapo is poor, but a man can dream)

Well, that used to be true.

Cheapo has now found out that there are certain places that are actually out of bounds even for an intrepid traveler like Cheapo.

And one such place is is Ilha da Queimada Grande, also known as “Snake Island”.

It lies about 90 odd miles away from Sao Paolo and apart from the Brazilian Navy, no one is allowed there.

The reason?

Snake Island is home to an estimated 4,000 venomous Bothrops insularis, also known as golden lanceheads pit viper. The golden lanceheads grow to more than half a metre long and possess a fast-acting poison that melts human flesh.

That’s right people, venom that melts human flesh.

Experts say there’s one golden lancehead here per square meter (1.2 square yards). Each golden lancehead’s venom is five times more potent that of its closest relative, the fer-de-lance, responsible for most snakebite deaths in South America. The golden lancehead is a pit viper, so it hunts by sensing heat through little pits in the side of its face.


Rumor has it a hapless fisherman landed onto the island in search of bananas—only to be discovered days later in his boat, dead in a pool of blood, with snake bites on his body. From 1909 to the 1920s, a few people did live on the island, in order to run its lighthouse. But according to another local tale, the last lighthouse keeper, along with his entire family, died when a cadre of snakes slithered into his home through the windows.

A bite from a golden lancehead carries a seven percent chance of death, and even with treatment, victims still have have a three percent chance of dying. The snake’s venom can cause kidney failure, necrosis of muscular tissue, brain hemorrhaging and intestinal bleeding.

Being so dangerous and hush hush, chances are that unless you are a scientist, you will never get to experienc the island.

But don’t worry my dear readers; just like those dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, Cheapo always finds a way.

Apparently, you can travel to Peruíbe or Itanhaém (approx. 1.5-2.5 hours from downtown São Paulo) and convince a local with a boat to approach the island, then you can swim in and set up camp.

So, long time readers, you know what’s coming next.

This place just made the list – the list of Cheapo, where Cheapo sends his brother the monotesticular Fluffy McDildoface aka Gudduda the Imbecile.

So, I shall send the Gudduda with one of those body cameras and film the whole thing.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.