Cheaposailing

Good people, you guys have imagination, right?

Well imagine a scenario……….imagine this scenario to be precise…….a spherical heavy object high up in the air flailing around…..now zoom in and imagine that spherical object to be The Ayatollah of Gooner Trolla.

Yep…Cheapo went parasailing (of course it was about a decade ago, much before Cheapo’s life went the way of Mount Doom after Smeagol fell in with the Ring).

It happened in a place called Panchmarhi, in the middle of a jungle.

Cheapo went, Cheapo signed a release form saying its all Cheapo’s fall in case he falls, and he then got suited up (there’s a nasty rumour going around that there was some consternation and excitement during the suiting up process due to the easy unavailability of security gear of their size….there’s not an iota of truth in these rumours).

Cheapo got helmets, gloves, elbow-pads, knee-pads but surprisingly no bollock guards!!! (Cheapo is of the opinion that it must have been some woman who must have devised these safety items…..these women have no consideration, compassion and idea about the sensitivity and importance of the male bollocks)

Well once the suiting up process was complete, with vim, vigor and vavavoom, Cheapo waddled into the middle of the field. A bunch of hoi polloi then turned up and started strapping Cheapo to a fucking parachute on the back and a fucking jeep on the front…and then the jeep started!!!! And we have takeoff people

Cheapo went up, and got his ass literally, figuratively, dramatically, ecumenically, symbolically, allegorically, emblematically, metaphorically and grammatically kicked by the wind.

You have heard of Wind in the Willows?

Well, this time it was Wind in the Belows

One second, Cheapo was looking up to the sky, the next hanging upside down, next second facing right…next second, yep you guessed it left…….all the while suffering from existential uncertainty and horns of a dilemma (pretty much like what Arsene Wenger faces upon reaching the Round of Arsenal in the Champions League)

Existential Uncertainty and Horns of a Dilemma: To hold on to the pants thereby chancing a bigass splat to the ground or to hold on to the parachute handle thereby increasing the chance of giving the watching spectators a once in a lifetime vision of the family pebbles.

Well, it was momentary – and on retrospect one of the worse decisions of his life – but Cheapo decided to hold on to the parachute.

Atchoo atchoo

The Pants fell down

On the one hand Oh the Humanity!

On the other, wind through the nether regions is actually quite pleasant

However, Cheapo knows good people Cheapo knows. Had he taken the other decision – holding onto pants and letting go off the parachute – the lives of all of you would have been so so so much better; untainted, unstained and undisturbed by the existence of Cheapo, who knows how much you could have accomplished without Cheapo constantly stinking up the place.

But alas!

To the detriment of humanity, Cheapo is still around.

But do not lose hope, good people, all good things come to those who wait.

Just have patience a little longer, you have to tolerate Cheapo for a little time – unless of course you abandon him and run away.

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