What Women Want

Ever since man came out of the cave so to speak (or if you are so inclined, ever since Eve ate the apple), there has been one question that has consumed man’s soul. From ancient philosophers like Aristotle and Aryabhatta, Chanakya and Leonardo da Vinci to modern day intellectual goliaths like Kanye West and Rahul Gandhi men have been scratching their heads, pulling their beards, howling in frustration and angst and spending thousands of hours trying to figure out how to make women happy, to find out just what exactly do women want.

After all, all smart men know that the happier you make a woman, the better and happier your own life will be.

Well, wonder no more – Encyclopedia Bishoknia is here to help you all.

You see, stupid idiots will pipe up saying women want money or diamonds or babies. Well, that may be true for some women, but most definitely not for all.

So, if we take women as a whole, what are the common things that they want*?

  1. No gender based discrimination and equal pay
  2. Respect and their own identity (not someone’s daughter, or sister, or mother, or wife)
  3. No sexual harassment or assault
  4. No period related pain or discomfort
  5. Sale/discounts (the material can be wide ranging – clothes, bags, shoes, books etc etc)
  6. A loving handsome partner who makes them laugh and who gives complete support
  7. To lose weight (irrespective of actual weight)
  8. To eat anything and everything without gaining weight
  9. Flowers
  10. A chance to say “I told you so”

So there you have it, my dear men. Treat women equally, respect them and their achievements, don’t be a creep, take them for shopping, give them flowers, cook them non fatty food, support them and make them laugh.

Of course none of that matters if you look like a cross between Jubba the Hutt, Nobby Nobbs, Quasimodo and smallpox or in other words like Cheapo.

(*stuff like health for loved ones, safety, advances in money/status/career/fame etc are basic human wants irrespective of gender)

And that brings us to

What Women DON’T Want

Fat Uncle Cheapo

Not even if he is the last man on earth and the very survival of human species is dependent on being with him. Remember that film There’s Something about Mary? Well, There’s Something about Cheapo that evokes intense feelings of abhorrence, abomination, antipathy, aversion, contempt, detestation, disgust, dislike, distaste, horror, nausea, repugnance, repulsion and revulsion.

Never mind actually being with him but even talking with him or chatting with him or seeing him coming nearer creates nausea, panic and horror among the female population.

Its like inherent knowledge passed of mothers to daughters – stay away from fire and stay away from Cheapo. Young girls throughout the planet are advised by their mothers and grandmothers – no matter what you become, no matter what you do in life, there is just 1 thing that you must ensure, always always always stay away from Cheapo.

Let’s put it this way – Godzilla, Spongebob, Harambe the Gorilla, the ebola virus and Moby Dick all have a greater chance of getting a human girlfriend than Cheapo.

In the olden days, women had this death before dishonor thingy. Well, for modern women, its death before Cheapo.

Oy Vey

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