Auteur of Pain

If you have been following Cheapo, then you know that Cheapo is an a savant, a connoisseur, an aesthete when it comes to pain. He is an auteur of pain if you will.

Pain is Cheapo’s constant companion.

And now that Cheapo’s erstwhile best friend has unequivocally ordered Cheapo to fuck off from her life, pain is the only friend he has left.

But just like all friends, pain sometimes goes too far and gets on Cheapo’s nerves.

Resulting in Cheapo’s paralytic incapacitation.

Thus, Cheapo is always on the lookout for anything that will reduce pain, not eliminate pain, Cheapo can’t live without at least one friend.

So Cheapo did research, lots of research. And found out the following

Alternative Treatments 


1. Clove
Making a paste with clove oil can help to stop inflammation and pain caused by gingivitis, toothaches, and even the digestive system. Additionally, a drop of clove oil in a glass of water after each meal can stop nausea, vomiting, indigestion, cramps, and excess gas.

2. Chamomile
This has the ability to improve digestion, relieve the pain of cramps and other types of stomach pain. It can also help to relieve muscle spasms, muscle pain, migraine headaches, muscle stiffness, osteoarthritis and rheumatism.

3. Rose
Rose essential oil is well-known for sedative and anti-depression effects and can help those who are suffering from insomnia, nervousness, grief, and depression, but most people are completely unaware that rose essential oil is also a powerful anti-inflammatory. Dilute this wonderful oil and use it as a massage oil for sore muscles and stiff joints.

4. Sweet Marjoram
Like chamomile, the oil extracted from this flowering herb has sedative compounds and can help relieve the pain of migraines, rheumatism, muscle pain and muscle spasms, as well as the pain from rheumatism and osteoarthritis.

5. Orange
Orange oil, especially when combined with ginger, can provide some major pain relief. One study, which used almost 60 elderly subjects that had stated they had moderate to severe knee pain, were given 6 massage sessions over a 3 week period with a mixture of 1 percent ginger oil and 0.5 sweet orange oil. A placebo group received a massage with olive oil and the control group received no massage. When compared to the other two groups, the subjects that received the orange/ginger oil had significantly decreased knee pain and stiffness.

6. Lavender
Lavender is world-renowned for its ability to calm and relax both the body and mind, but it also has anti-inflammatory and anti-microbial compounds that can relieve muscle spasms, joint pain, muscle tension, and headaches.

7. Black Pepper
If you want superior relief from the pain of back or abdominal spasms, this is the oil for you. Black pepper can also be taken internally to reduce inflammation inside of the body. Black pepper oil is also a powerful source of antioxidants that can help to lower blood pressure levels.

8. Helichrysum
Helichrysum has anti-spasmodic, analgesic, and anti-inflammatory compounds that support the nervous system and helps to relieve arthritis pain. In fact, this oil is legendary for stopping pain within minutes after application.

9. Eucalyptus
This oil is best known for its anti-microbial agents that fight upper respiratory infections, but this strong smelling oil has another side to it. Eucalyptus oil has powerful anti-inflammatory and analgesic compounds that are good for stopping nerve pain and all types of muscle pain. This oil is very strong and can irritate the skin so dilute this oil before applying to the skin.

10. Vetiver
This herb has been used since ancient times for numerous ailments in Ayurvedic medicine. This plant is extracted from the roots of a grass like plant which is related to citronella and lemongrass. This oil is perfect for general aches and pains, especially for the pain of arthritis, rheumatism, headaches, and muscle pain.

11. Peppermint
Peppermint is another good choice for stopping general pain from muscles and joints, headaches and stomachaches. This herb is generally consumed as a tea for stomach pain but makes a terrific mouth rinse when mixed with water for stopping tooth or gum pain.

12. Wintergreen
This powerful oil is a very effective remedy for the treatment of menstrual cramps, nerve pain, headaches, and stomach aches. This oil has analgesic compounds that are very similar to aspirin.

13. Rosemary
This oil has powerful analgesic and anti-spasmodic compounds that make it perfect for sports injuries, back pain, headaches, muscle pain and joint stiffness.

14. Yarrow
Good for muscle aches and joint pain, this powerful analgesic pain reliever has powerful anti-inflammatory compounds that many people find to be soothing and almost restorative in its powers.

15. Thyme
This is yet another good oil for backaches, sports injuries, joint pain and muscle aches. This is another strong oil which you should dilute before using on the skin.

16. Clary Sage
Besides being able to ease muscle spasms, PMS pain, and muscle tension, this oil has powerful anti-inflammatory and anti-spasmodic compounds that can also calm and soothe both the body and mind.

17. Frankincense
Frankincense has sedative and anti-inflammatory compounds which make it a sweet way to stop mild aches and pains, alleviate stress, and calm the mind.

18. Sandalwood
One of sandalwoods most important features is that it sedates the central nervous system, which makes this the perfect oil for reducing nerve pain and stopping muscle spasms. Use this oil for back pain, sports injuries, and menstrual cramps.

19. Ginger
Ginger can ease back pain, knee pain, and improve mobility. You can use it alone, but it appears to work best in a combination with orange oil. This is the perfect combination for anyone suffering from arthritis, rheumatism, tendonitis, and muscle sprains.

20. Juniper
This is another little known oil that has powerful anti-spasmodic compounds that can relieve all types of joint pain, muscle aches, and nerve pain.

You can use essential oils to stop pain by using some of these methods:

Headaches – Mix 6 drops of essential oil in one tablespoon of a carrier oil and massage gently on the back of the neck and temples. You can also put a few drops of oil on a cloth and breathe in the wonderful smell.
Massage – Use 10 drops of the essential oil of your choice per 1 ounce of carrier oil and use as a massage oil where needed. You can also warm the oil a bit for a cozy feeling and ease of absorption.
Hot or Cold Compress – Add a few drops of essential oil to a cloth and, depending on your preference, heat the cloth or put the cloth in the freezer, and apply to the affected area.
Bath Soak – Perhaps the best way to ease aching muscles and stopping joint pain is to soak in a bath with a half dozen drops of the essential oil of your choice, especially when you also add a few cups of Epsom salts, can go a long way towards relieving the pain, swelling, and inflammation of all types of injuries.




1. Peppermint
This is one of the most common pain relievers for minor pain such as excessive gas, bloating, headaches, muscle pain, skin irritations, toothaches, and joint pain. Peppermint is most often consumed as tea.

2. Ginger
Ginger is an anti-inflammatory herb that has been used for headaches, sore muscles, arthritis, and cramps. One 2005 study found that ginger is even more effective than other anti-inflammatory compounds such as aspirin. Most people consume ginger as a tea, but you can also use it as a compress, or add some to a warm bath for instant relief.

3. Arnica
This is a terrific herb to rub into the muscles after a hard day of playing sports, or even after muscle injuries. Arnica is a well-known pain reliever popular among yoga instructors and athletes.

4. Devil’s Claw
Perhaps best known for fighting knee or hip pain, this herb can reduce the pain form osteoarthritis by as much as 25 percent and that most patients regain mobility within just a few weeks, according to recent research. Devil’s claw was found in a 2007 study to have anti-inflammatory and analgesic compounds that was able to reduce the amount of pain medication consumed by subjects who were suffering from back and neck pain by 60 percent by the end of the eight week study period.

5. Turmeric
Turmeric, used for eons for everything from stopping heart disease to curing stomach ulcers is also a powerful pain reliever. The active ingredient in turmeric, curcumin, improves blood circulation and reduces blood clotting. That makes turmeric the perfect spice to use when you have inflamed joints, skin problems, digestive pain, sprains, bruises, and muscle pain. Add one tablespoon of turmeric powder to a glass of warm milk and drink once each day.

6. Wintergreen
Wintergreen is commonly used in essential oil form. Wintergreen contains between 85 to 99 percent methyl salicylate, the exact same component found in aspirin. Add three or four drops of wintergreen essential oil to two tablespoon of carrier oil, such as jojoba, coconut, or olive oil and use this as a natural pain relieving rub for sore muscles, sprains, bruises, and even headaches.

7. Valerian
Valerian can not only relive insomnia, feelings of anxiety, tension, but it also reduces nerve sensitivity. Valerian is most often consumed as a tea, but it can also be taken as a supplement.

8. Birch Leaf
Birch tree leaves work in much the same way that cortisone does. This means that it can treat problems such as lupus, skin diseases, autoimmune disorders, endocrine problems, and many more. Birch leaves contain methyl salicylate, which is similar to the salicylic acid found in aspirin. Birch leaves contain anti-spasmodic, antifungal, analgesic, detoxifying, and astringent compounds.

9. White Willow Bark
White willow bark has been used since at least 500 B.C. in China, and it is well-known for helping stop back pain, nerve pain, and osteoarthritis pain. White willow bark is often taken as an extract or in a tea form.

10. Burdock Root
This herb has sterols, tannins, and essential fatty acids, which are all powerful anti-inflammatory compounds. Burdock has been used for more than 2,000 years for the treatment of arthritis, gout, rheumatism, and other conditions stimulated by inflammation. Burdock root is most often consumed as tea.

11. Licorice Root
Rich in glycyrrhizin, this compound is known to block inflammation, which can relieve pain. Licorice root also helps to prevent the side effects of the stress hormone cortisol, which are fatigue and anxiety. Licorice root acts as a natural corticosteroid in the body, which prevents inflammation. It also reduces free radicals that surround the inflamed area and prevents the production of enzymes that encourage further inflammation. Those with high blood pressure should avoid this herbal supplement.

12. Cloves
Clove is perhaps best known for relieving the pain of toothaches and mouth pain, but it also has powerful antibacterial and anti-inflammatory compounds. Rich in calcium, magnesium, manganese, as well as vitamins C and K, clove also has an ingredient called eugenol, which kills bacteria, relieves inflammation, and stops pain.

13. Oregano
This is a potent herb when it comes of fighting inflammation. Oregano also has anti-spasmodic and analgesic compounds. In fact, oregano has more than 30 anti-inflammatory compounds, which makes this a powerful pain-relieving agent.

14. Fennel
Fennel has more than 25 antispasmodic elements and 16 pain-killing compounds. Fennel is also good for stopping the pain caused by gas, colic, gout, and stomach cramps. You can make a strong tea with fennel and use this in a compress or drink fennel tea several times a day for pain relief.

15. Capsaicin
The active ingredient found in hot chili peppers, capsaicin, desensitizes nerve receptors that cause the pain response in the body. Capsaicin can also decrease soreness for as many as three to five weeks before those nerve receptors, called C-fibers, regain feeling.  There are numerous creams and lotions available in almost all health food stores that contain capsaicin.



See many many ways of pain reduction.

However, Cheapo’s favorite is this one

painkiller 5469125-bottle-wallpapers

A concoction of a cornucopia of pain killing tablets and copious quantities of alcohol.  (Warning – strictly for professional pain merchants like Cheapo, not allowed for amateurs and imbeciles who plan to drive after the medication).

As an added bonus, this medicine also quenches Cheapo’s mental pain and anguish that has been caused by the repeat abandonments, abuses and humiliations that he receives from his ‘friends’.


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