Farts in Jars

When those ancient Greeks invented democracy, they couldn’t have imagined that thousands of years later democracy would give voice and votes to people like Fluffy McDildoface aka Gudduda the Monotesticular Pantpissing Imbecile. Dr. Kalam – 1 vote, Fluffy – 1 vote, imagine that.

Suffice to say that things have gone from bad to worse.

But thankfully, not in all fields. Some have improved.

For example, medicine and healthcare (not doctors though, today’s numpties aren’t able to detect a case of the sniffles).

Just a few centuries ago doctors believed that “like cures like”, of course not here, but in the ‘civilized’ world.

The Great Plague of London (bubonic) killed many in the city between 1665 and 1666.

Contemporary doctors did not have a ready-made cure. They believed that the plague was happening due to be a miasma, or a deadly air vapor spread through breathing in the atmosphere.

So, their prescribed treatment  – if a patient could somehow dilute the polluted air with something equally potent, it might reduce the chances of contracting the illness.

So they advised their patients to have something foul-smelling at the ready.

For example – farts.

The English began to store their farts in jars and take a whiff every few minutes.

England – 1665 AD – farts in jars

India – 600 BC

The Suśruta-saṃhitā, in its extant form, in 184 chapters contains descriptions of 1,120 illnesses, 700 medicinal plants, 64 preparations from mineral sources and 57 preparations based on animal sources. The text discusses surgical techniques of making incisions, probing, extraction of foreign bodies, alkali and thermal cauterization, tooth extraction, excisions, and trocars for draining abscess, draining hydrocele and ascitic fluid, removal of the prostate gland, urethral stricture dilatation, vesicolithotomy, hernia surgery, caesarian section, management of haemorrhoids, fistulae, laparotomy and management of intestinal obstruction, perforated intestines and accidental perforation of the abdomen with protrusion of omentum and the principles of fracture management, viz., traction, manipulation, apposition and stabilization including some measures of rehabilitation and fitting of prosthetic.

It enumerates six types of dislocations, twelve varieties of fractures, and classification of the bones and their reaction to the injuries, and gives a classification of eye diseases including cataract surgery.

In today’s India, talk of Ayurveda and the left wing libturds will call you a ‘saffron bhakt’.

Go figure.


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