Baldness = Enlightenment

Cheapo’s friend the Great Indian Chunkubaaz is steadily losing his hair….his headnow resembles the Takla Makan desert. This is a man who used to spend thousands on hair gel and took minimum 20 minutes to comb his hair.

He has been depressed.

Cheapo can’t figure out why.


After all, baldness is a sign from god/mother nature that you have managed to achieve nirvana, that you have transcended the prosaic realm and become a truly enlightened being.

People make fun of balds? Of course, didn’t Jesus say, ‘forgive them, for they are stupid idiots, and they know not what they are doing‘.

Its simple science people.

See, when youvcome to the earth, you come with a bald/semi bald head. At that stage, you are pure and divine. Mankind falls at your feet at every command.

Then what happens?

You get older and become hairier and hairier. You become corrupt, a slave to your baser urges. Most people can’t escape this tentacle of evil throughout their lives.

That’s why they die sad, broken, miserable and with a head full of hair.

But some of us refuse to fall into that temptaion. With determination, perseverance and courage we follow the one true path to salvation. We struggle in the face of overwhelming odds and gargantuan obstacles in our pursuit of knowledge.

After all, knowledge = enlightenment = baldness.

Of course you don’t belive Cheapo, though time after time after time Cheapo’s words have turned out to be true. Sometimes Cheapo feels like old Cassandra.

Read on ye sceptics

Bald: Brahma, the Lord of Creation

Hairy: Shiva, the pot smoking wife killing Lord of Destruction

Bald: Mahatma Gandhi, Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose, Sardar Patel, Shyama Prasad Mukherjee, Jawaharlal Nehru, Narendra Modi, Jyoti Basu, Dalai Lama, B. R. Ambedkar,

Hairy: Rahul Gandhi, Arvind Kejriwal, Prakash Karat, Zakir Naik, Nathuram Godse, Azam Khan, Lalu Prasad Yadav, Bal Thackeray, Shashi Tharoor, YS Jaganmohan Reddy, Vilasrao Deshmukh

Bald(ing): Leonardo da Vinci, Albert Einstein, Galileo, Charles Darwin,  Confucius, Martin Luther King Jr, Gregor Mendel, Louis Pasteur, Socrates, Lenin, Marx, Vladimir Putin, Napoleon, Garibaldi, Vespasian, Hannibal, Julius Ceaser

Hairy: Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Abu Bakr al Baghdadi, Pol Pot, Charles Cullen, Henry Kissinger, Saddam Hussain, Josef Mengele, Che, Winston Churchill, Donald Trump, Hernan Cortez, Robespierre, Tamelane/Timur, King Leopold II, Talaat Enver Pasha, Tiberius, Commodus, Nero, Caligula, Domitian, Yahya Khan, Pinochet

Bald(ing): William Shakespeare, Fyodor Dostoyevski, Charles Dickens, JRR Tolkien, Arthur Conan Doyle, Rudyard Kipling, Douglas Adams, PG Wodehouse, Homer, Terry Pratchett, Tagore, Vidyasagar

Hairy: James Joyce, Kafka, Proust, DH Lawrence,

Bald(ing): Zinedine Zidane, Antonio Conte, Pep Guardiola, Rafa Benitez, Ronaldo (original), Beckenbauer, Iniesta, Drogba, Henry,

Hairy: Jose Mourinho, Arsene Wenger, Alan Pardew, David Moyes, Roy Hodgson, Roy Keane, Oh Fernando, Neymar, Steven Gerrard, El Racisto,

Bald(ing): Amitabh Bachchan, Rajnikant, Clint Eastwood, The Rock, Vin Diesel, Tom Hanks, Jack Nicholson, Anthony Hopkins, Robert DeNiro, Samuel l Jackson, Morgan Freeman, Denzel, Bruce Willis, Sidney Poitier, Kevin Spacey, Sean Connery, Joe Pesci, John Malkovitch, Michael Kaine, Patrick Stewart, Johny Sinns

Hairy: Salman Khan, Tom Cruise, Steven Seagull, Kevin Costner, Danny Dyer, Robert Pattinson, Orlando Bloom, James Dean

Bald: Jamshedji Tata, Dhirubhai Ambani, GD Birla, Kaliash Mahindra, JRD Tata, Verghese Kurien, Narayan Murti,

Hairy: Vijay Mallya, Subrata Roy, Warren Anderson

Bald: Undertaker, Stone Cold, Rock, HHH, Cesaro, KO, Rusev, Kurt Angle, Paul Heyman

Hairy: Roman Reigns, Great Khali, Kevin Nash, Alberto Del Rio/El Patron, Vince Russo, Eric Bischoff

Bald: Hercule Poirot, Tintin, Cuthbert Calculus, Jeeves, Getafix, Gandalf, Deadpool, Homer Simpson, Yoda, Ctulhu, Jatayu

Hairy: Cacophonix, Darth Vader, Bertie Wooster, Joffrey Baratheon, Ramsay Bolton, Robin Hood, Romio, Hamlet, Maganlal Meghraj

Bald(ing): Elvis, Eminem

Hairy: Chris Brown, Kanye, Justin Bieber

Bald: Fat Uncle Cheapo

Hairy: Fluffy McDildoface aka Gudduda the Monotesticular Pantpissing Imbecile

Need Cheapo say more?


One thought on “Baldness = Enlightenment

  1. For the umpteenth time, I did not spend 1000s on Hair Gels and I never used to take 20 minutes in combing!

    And, last but not the least, I am not going bald, you moron….



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