Kashmir Solution

Years come years go, one shit remains the same – Kashmir conflict.

One the one side we have the Pakies, who lets face it, are stupid idiots. On the other hand we have different Indian political parties, none of whom want to end things because of money, Muslim vote bank and meh.

The Hurriyat has 0 interest in peaceful resolution – as agents of Pakistan, the more trouble they create, the more money they get in their pockets. Their business is anarchy; they don’t give a shit about the impressionable imbeciles or youth who get maimed or worse on a daily basis.

End result – suffering and misery for the ordinary Kashmiri people.

Let’s get something straight, as long as Pakistan exists as an entity, there is no separation/independence for Kashmir. It’s India’s, it will remain India’s.

But as long as Pakistan exists, they will never leave this conflict; this is their way of keeping the ordinary porkies from thinking about the way their country has gone to shit.

So, is there no solution?

Of course there is, let Cheapo give it to you.

Its the age old carrot and whips strategy, modifed Cheapo style.

First the carrot.

What do young people all over the world want?

To boink

In modern societies that’s not a problem (well not unless you look like Cheapo), but in conservative, traditional societies, the only way to boink is by marriage. But for that to happen, you need a steady source of income.

When people have no jobs, they end up in mischief, in this case becoming terrorists (freedom fighters) or stone pelters. When people have no jobs and no hope, they feel like they have nothing to lose. They get brainwashed easily into becoming martyrs.

And that is what has happened in Kashmir.

So, how to fix it?

Bring Kashmiri youth into the mainstream, as simple as that.

  • Give them vocational training so that they can set up their own businesses and earn a decent living
  • Recruit them in state polices of Orissa, Telengana, Maharashtra, Goa, Kerala, or the CRPF
  • Recruit them in the electricity departments, railways, food processing industries etc
  • Get them training as forest or wildlife conservationists
  • Promote the regional fruits and handicrafts in the India pavilions and trade fairs worldwide so that their demand increases leading to more exports – apart from getting foreign money, it will create jobs for the Kashmiris as well
  • Train them to be doctors, nurses, software engineers, architects
  • Get them into sports: apart from football, cricket or hockey, they can come into athletics, archery, gymnastics, boxing, wrestling, badminton, table tennis (shooting may not be a good idea now) etc

On a sidenote, get more and more Kashmiri women into the employment sphere, the more they become empowered, the better for Kashmir.

Once people have jobs and families, they get something to lose, they wont easily fall under the spell of the machinators, they will want peace.

Once peace is there, then we can have talks.

However, present situation demands that we can’t just stop all defensive measures and become Gandhian.

And that’s where the whips come in.

Step 1: Arrest the Hurriyat and send them to prison in Andamans and put them in solitary confinement.

Step 2: Ban madrasas, the kids have to study the central board syllabus; you cant bring a society into the modern world if the kids are taught stuff from the 8th century

Step 3: Shock and awe the shit out of the terrorists, the ones who have picked up guns. Destroy their camps, kill the leaders, kill the middle level, kill the low level, kill their parents, their wives, their brothers and sisters, their friends. They should understand the message that if you pick up guns, you, your family, your friends will all be terminated with extreme prejudice. Basically be Genzhis Khan. After death, burn their bodies, no tombs, no martyrdom, no heaven and 82 virgins.

Step 4: Block the entire border with the Porkies, no trade, no coming and going

Step 5: Stop imbecilic treatment of civilians, shooting at them with rubber bullets and blinding them is not a correct measure at all, the only thing it does is to alienate more people. So what to do?

5a. Water cannons, tear gas, sound blasts, pepper sprays

5b. Arrest the ringleaders, strip them naked, bamboo their arse and then let them walk home naked

5c. Collect gazillions of shit – human as well as piggie, donkey and doggie; put said shit in specially separated water cannons and spray; crowd expects water, gets shit instead, panic and pandemonium ensues, crowd runs home to get clean

Finally, send the Communists and other Paki sympathizers to Haiti

But there is one point that has to be maintained always – never ever should there be only carrots or only sticks. As long as violence remains, both carrots and sticks have to be operated.

Adopt these tactics and Cheapo guarantees that within a decade violence will stop.

There will be peace.

Talks can start after that.

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