Fucking Guam????

Its a US colony with a total population around 170,000-180,000.

That’s less than the population of Howrah or Sealdah rail stations in Kolkata at any point of time on a working day.

And yet our brave brave boys managed to lose against them as well – after successfully losing to Nepal and Afghanistan in recent times.

This is the Football World Cup Qualifiers.

We are ranked 141, Guam is 174.

And yet

Brandon McDonald put the hosts Guam ahead in the 38th minute at the GFA National Training Centre, and Travis Nicklaw doubled the advantage in the 62nd minute. Sunil Chhetri pulled one back for India in stoppage time but it was not enough to avoid a second defeat in two qualifiers for India.

Iran, Asia’s top-ranked country, is in Group D with us, Oman, Turkmenistan and Guam. We have already successfully lost to Oman – in a match where our performance was worse than utter shambles. Apparently running around a lot for 90 minutes like headless chickens is a sign of bravery and commitment.

And now this humiliation.

I shudder to think what Iran will do to us.

And don’t forget people that Guam, being an US colony, does not even take football seriously. It last participated in WC qualifiers all the way back in 2000.

And you know what happened that time?

They lost 16-0 to Tajikistan. 16-0 people.

And in just 15 years, they have turned that around is now humiliating India.

And you know what? This will continue.

We are so entrenched and comfortable in our nadir that we will not make any effort to come out.

And of course the players and some apologists will harp on and on about the popularity of cricket and how they get all the money and how the footballers do not get any money blah blah blah.

Money has to be earned.

Somebody call the waambulance because the only thing missing from Indian football is not money but my booted foot up the players’ arses.

The cricketing equivalent of losing to Guam would be…well losing to Guam.

So tell me footballers, do you think our cricketers are going to lose to Guam.

The cricketers might get a disproportionately high amount of money but they compete with the best in the world – naturally sometime they win, sometime they lose. But the cricketers don’t get humiliated by Guam.

Unlike our brave footballers.

Our international bravehearts – poor poor players who have no money.

Lest we forget, Sunil Chetri’s base price in the upcoming ISL auction is INR 80 lakhs. Goalkeeper Karanjeet will cost a franchisee at least Rs 60 lakhs, striker Robin Singh, playmaker Arata Izumi and centre-back Anas Edathodika Rs 40 lakhs. Midfielder Thoi Singh is at Rs 39 lakhs. Lyngdoh will be at Rs 27.50 lakhs and Jackichand and Seityasen will be at Rs 20 lakhs each. Rino Anto commands the lowest base price in the auction list at Rs 17.50 lakhs.

And that’s the minimum price, the amount where bidding starts.

Guam has a few USA! USA!! USA!!!-based players but others in their squad are signed to local sides Quality Distributors, Guam Shipyard and – best of all – Payless Supermarket Strykers.

That’s right a bunch of guys who are employees of supermarkets just beat a bunch of oh so poor footballers who will get millions for 2 months’ work.

Money is not the problem people. The problem is motivation. I don’t mind our players losing to Oman- I watched that game live and the Oman players were simply much better players technically.

But there is no excuse to losing to Guam.

So here’s what I propose.

Everytime India loses to a team which is lower ranked or are around the same ranking as India  – each and every member of the squad will have to donate INR 10 lakh to charities.

If we are to be humiliated, something good needs to come out of it.

As for the players, you have no right to put the country’s name in the muds – that is an exclusive domain of the Indian Anti National Congress.

If you don’t feel proud about putting on the Indian shirt, then don’t play – its as simple as that. Take the route of Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes and retire from internationals.

But if you play, play properly and put your life on the lines.

As for Guam, congratulations my Guamese friends. This is an excellent result – and coming on the heels of beating Turkmenistan – and may your success continue. Here’s hoping you qualify for the next round.


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